I am a converted Muslimah since I was 16. I have been practicing Islam since then. My family is Christian and doesn't like Islam but I still never stopped loving and practicing Islam.
I married a Pakistani Muslim man more than 10 years ago thinking that he and his family will help me learn more about Islam.
He married me but didn't stand to support me. His family rejected me, called me ugly and that I didn't look Muslim to them, so his mother had him divorce me.
I went through so much stress, struggles, and cries in sujood. I questioned Allah why did they judge me so harshly. It took me 8 years to get out of the pain. I never wanted to get married again.
But as marriage is half of deen and my friends encouraged me to not put all men in one box, I married a Pakistani Muslim man 2 years ago. He started a marriage with a lie which I came to know after few month.
He told me he was previously married in Pakistan and have 4 children but he divorced his previous wife. He even showed me divorce papers from Pakistan.
Later he told me he isn't divorced so I told him why did you lie to me? He is totally on his wife's side and insults me and uses abusive language. I also caught him talking to ladies on WhatsApp and Facebook. He lies and hides things from me.
I cook, clean and do everything that a good wife should do and he is still supporting his wife and family. I never hide anything from him, I ask him even when I go to visit my mom. I have given him so many chances thinking he will change but he is on his wife's side.
Now my family and friends know he doesn't have proper American papers so he married me to get a green card. Islam is such a beautiful religion but why do people do these?
Please advise me because I can't take it anymore. Your sister in Islam May Allah Subhan wa Ta'ala keeps you happy and good health!
Answer
In this counseling answer:
Women in Islam are much honored. They have been granted an equal status with men, but it is ignored many times because of cultural practices.
It is no point and definitely not good for your mental health to be with a man who is abusing you verbally and gives you no respect.
Divorce, in general, is very discouraged in Islam, but it is permissible and in certain cases even encouraged.
Talk to him in a cool and good manner when you are alone and he is in a calm mood. Explain to him how you feel . Ask him what he wants and what you both can do to find a solution.
Sister, stand for yourself. Please do not let anyone mistreat you. You deserve way better.
As-Salaam ‘Aleikom,
It is really sad to hear about your story. Nobody should go through such a betrayal in a marriage.
Islam is a beautiful religion, and some people make it look so bad when they are so dishonest and act in a cruel way. It is a big sin to lie and hurt somebody. Your experience with these Muslim men have been very unfortunate, and I can understand that you might be feeling hurt and confused.
Selfish
What your husband is doing is very selfish and abusive. He must know that what he is doing is completely wrong. You have many rights as a wife that he is not fulfilling at all, according to your message.
Allah (swt) has instructed men to be nice to their wives and treat them to the best of their ability. It has been mentioned in the Qur’an:
“…And live with them in kindness…” (4:19)
A good husband is one who communicates, who is willing to open up, and who does listen to his wife.
Marriage
Islam tells us that marriage is “half of deen” because it fulfills so many basic needs of an individual and of the society. But unfortunately, a lot of Muslim men do not know what responsibilities they have when they get married.
Women in Islam are much honored. They have been granted an equal status with men, but it is ignored many times because of cultural practices.
Check out this counseling video:
It is no point and definitely not good for your mental health to be with a man who is abusing you verbally and gives you no respect. If he married you just to get Visa permission in the country you reside, then I am sorry, he has no intention to be sincere with you.
He is already married and that’s something he chose to keep secret from you. He betrayed you and Allah (swt) will punish him for that. I am not advising you to divorce him. This is your personal decision to make, and nobody knows better than yourself what is best for you.
Divorce, in general, is very discouraged in Islam, but it is permissible and in certain cases even encouraged.
Advise
I would advise you to talk to him in a cool and good manner when you are alone and he is in a calm mood. You should explain to him how you feel and that you feel upset when he talks to you in an abusive manner. Ask him what he wants and what you can do to find a solution to the problems you are going through in your marriage.
Remember, if he does not want to be with you or is only misusing you, then you should not accept it. Constant fights and abuse are not signs of a healthy marriage, and nobody deserves to go through this. You are an individual with your rights, so please do not let anyone mistreat you. You deserve way better.
May Allah (swt) make it easier for you and give you patience.
Amen,
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Read more:
https://aboutislam.net/family-life/laying-foundations/cultural-baggage-multicultural-marriage/
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/marital-obstacles/husband-married-me-for-visa/
https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/understanding-islam/amazing-how-islam-values-women/