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Survived an Abusive Marriage, But Can’t Remarry

17 January, 2024
Q Salam Aleikom. I was married for a year. My husband had a kind of split personality. He also showed symptoms of erectile dysfunction. He was often abusive because of which I opted for a divorce. It’s been a year since I got divorced.

My parents now are looking for a new husband for me, but they face problems in finding a good match.

When they asked an Islamic scholar about this, he said that there were some evil jinns that didn’t allow me to get married. I sometimes get bad dreams, too.

Firstly, I have to honestly say that I don’t believe in such things (that due to jinns I can’t find another husband), but since my marriage is getting delayed, I am suffering.

I feel lonely all the time. I don’t know what to do. I pray to Allah and make dua to Him because He is the only hope for the oppressed. Please tell me what I should do.


In this counseling answer:

• I would highly suggest sister that in sha’ Allah you find a therapist in your area and seek counseling.

• I would also kindly suggest that you try to get out and do fun and social things with sisters.

• Draw closer to Allah (swt) by praying, making du’aa’, reading Qur’an, and doing dhkir.

As-Salamu ’Alaikum my dear sister,

I am so sorry to hear about your difficult marriage and the abuse you had to suffer. I am happy though sister that you divorced this man and have started a new life. May Allah bless and guide you sister in your efforts.

While you did not indicate how long the abuse lasted, often times the trauma, stress, and mental anguish continue long after the abuse has stopped.

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A lot of women who are survivors of domestic violence/abuse may suffer from depression, low self-esteem, PTSD, anxiety, panic disorder as well as other mental heath symptoms, even years after the abuse has ended.

Some women have ongoing nightmares, debilitating depression, feelings of worthlessness, and lingering fear and depressive episodes.

Survived an Abusive Marriage, But Can't Remarry - About Islam

While I am not sure if this is the case with you, I would highly suggest sister that in sha’ Allah you find a therapist in your area and seek counseling.

Women who have been through abusive relationships often need counseling to help them heal, develop a healthy self image, and manage the symptoms of depression, PTSD, and other resulting mental health issues.

I often advise clients who were in similar situations to put off marriage until they are healed from the abusive past relationship.

This ensures you are mentally healthy enough in sha’ Allah to enter a new relationship without bringing the past hurts and traumas into the new marriage. I know this is not what you want to hear as you feel lonely right now, but in the long run, it will be a benefit in sha ‘Allah to you and your future husband.

While I am not an Islamic Scholar, I cannot speak upon evil jinns, but what I can say is that your symptoms you briefly mentioned are very similar to other women who are survivors of abuse and have lingering trauma and depression.

Thus, my recommendation to you is to get counseling.

I would also kindly suggest that you try to get out and do fun and social things with sisters.

This will help you feel connected and also provide a support system. It will get your mind off of negative things, bring some joy to your life, and provide new interests and a balance in your daily activities which is a benefit.

Draw closer to Allah (swt) by praying, making du’aa’, reading Qur’an, and doing dhkir. Ask Allah to grant ease and help you to heal from the traumatic marriage you were in. Allah is most merciful.

Check out this counseling video:

By giving yourself a chance to heal and recover and actively taking the steps to do so, you are increasing your chances for meeting a qualified, wonderful future husband, in sha’ Allah.

You are in our prayers dear sister. Please let us know how you are doing.


Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more: 

Feeling Hopeless in My Abusive Marriage

Tips on How to Deal with an Abusive Husband

How to Put an End to My Husband’s Emotional Abuse?

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.