Answer
Answer:
Wa `Alaikum As-Salaam dear sister,
Thank you for your question. You sound like a very self-sacrificing individual.
It also seems that you are not bogged down by the past and are able to see the positives in every situation.
It is truly unfortunate that your parents said no to a suitable person, whom you loved simply because of caste.
As I’m sure you are aware, issues around caste or class are culturally formed and have no place in Islamic tradition.
However, as you recognize, they are living realities for people. I feel it was very noble of you to listen to your parents despite not agreeing with them.
I am sure, without a doubt that you will be rewarded many times over for such a huge sacrifice.
You are also blessed to have a husband who is a good father and husband.
It seems that you do not hold any resentment in your heart for anyone and are able to accept your past and your present.
You are correct that perhaps you and him were not destined to be as his life was shorter than yours.
It could be that you would have been unable to bear such a trial had you been married to him.
I cannot answer whether you will be united with him in the next world.
I also cannot answer your question if you are “sinning” by thinking about him.
From a counselor perspective and not an Islamic one, I do not see any major problem with you thinking about him.
It is my understanding that you do not sit there and actively think about him.
It seems that his thought crosses your mind, and you are again brought face-to-face with your emotions of not being able to be with the one you loved and the grief over his death. I think these feelings are very normal.
I guess it could become problematic if you were starting to feel depressed about your past and struggling with that.
Or if you were thinking about him when having intimate relations with your husband as that would impact your marriage.
However, if you feel that you are living your life as best as can be but often feel sad at what has happened, then I feel this is very human and not much can be done.
Time does heal, and as you grow and your children grow, you will form stronger memories there and his memory may fade.
I do not think that you will ever forget him, but the key is to move on and live with your feelings of loss.
Greif is real, and most people go through a variety of emotions while they grieve.
This may be disbelief, anger, sadness, contemplation, and eventual acceptance of your situation.
It seems that you accept your situation, but often feel sad. It sounds like you are doing fine.
If you feel it will help, pray for him and ask Allah to do what is best for all people involved.
May your heart find peace.
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