The following day his friend found him facing on the floor dead. Doctors say that it is possible that he may have had a seizure attack, they are still investigating the case. His funeral took place last week. Although I know that Allah decrees Death, I feel like as an elder brother I should have done much more from my side, like being there for him like, phoning him to come home.
I have been very heartbroken and depressed since he was living with me for the last 6 months. How can I relieve my depression? Jazakallahu Khairan.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Find peace in His remembrance as you learn to accept and adjust to the situation. Remember the positives and be patient with the whole process.”
Wa Alaikum salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh brother,
Inna lilahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. From Allah we came and to Him we return. I am sorry to hear about your very recent bereavement.
May Allah bring ease to you and your family during this difficult time.
Coming to terms with the death of a loved one can be a very difficult and enduring process. Whilst Islam protects us from falling into despair as a result of such tests, many people will still go through difficulties adjusting after the death of a loved one.
It is very common that, like in your case, people will become distressed over the feeling that there was something they could have done to prevent the death.
Acceptance
Firstly, you need to try and shed the guilt. As you know, you need to keep in mind that Allah had already appointed your brothers time, and there was really nothing more than you could have done to prevent his death.
Even if you had been there, he still would have passed at the same time as he did.
This will form a part of the process of acceptance that you will need to pass through as you allow yourself to experience and overcome the grief.
Remember the positives
Rather than focusing on the negatives of the situation, instead spend time cherishing the positive moments you had together.
The times you laughed together, had fun together, the things you learned from him, etc.
You may also find this distressing also, but this approach is more conducive to overcoming the current grief you are experiencing.
You might even find it useful to do this with other family members so that you can relive these positive and joyous moments together appreciating the blessings that you experienced having him in your life for an appointed time. This will be useful for both you and them too.
Have patience
Your brother’s death is still very recent. The grieving process can take a long time to work through as you face the process of acceptance and adjustment.
Overcoming the grief you are facing will not be a quick process.
It will take time to process everything so if, in some months’ time, you are still feeling down, know that this is perfectly normal. The process can take a long time to pass through.
Find solace in the remembrance of Allah
During difficulties like this, people sometimes find themselves straying from the path when actually this is the most important time to keep Allah closer.
It is thought the remembrance of Allah that your heart will find rest during these difficult times.
Instead of focusing on shaytaans whispers of ‘what if?’, keep close to Allah by remembering as much as possible, praying for your brother and crying to Allah for Him to come to your aid during this difficult time.
May Allah make things easier for you that you will find peace in His remembrance as you learn to accept and adjust to the situation.
Remember the positives and be patient with the whole process.
Salam,
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