I hope you are well. I wish to ask you something that has been bothering me for a while.
I was in an arranged marriage. He and his family made my life a living hell through every kind of abuse possible. He got married again and sent me divorce papers.
My question to you is this, why did my life get destroyed while he was the one who ruined my life by living the perfect life? Why isn't he being punished? Where is the justice? Thank you.
Answer
In this counseling session:
- I have no words to console you for the pain you are going through right now. You absolutely did not deserve any of this.
- My only consolation to you at this time is – that Allah SWT is very Just! And He will not let any of this go.
- Whatever abuse you have gone through from your ex-husband and his family, they will repay for it either in this world or in the Hereafter. This is exactly why Allah SWT has created the day of Judgement.
Assalamu Alaikum Sister,
I have no words to console you for the pain you are going through right now. You absolutely did not deserve any of this. My only consolation to you at this time is – that Allah SWT is very Just! And He will not let any of this go.
Whatever abuse you have gone through from your ex-husband and his family, they will repay for it either in this world or in the Hereafter. This is exactly why Allah SWT has created the day of Judgement.
Allah is The Absolute Just
Sister, I know that right now you are in immense pain. But do bear in mind that Allah SWT is the absolute Just. Allah is “Al-‘Adl” (the All Just) that He is most just in His creation; i.e. He creates all things most rightly and justly, and with utmost divine wisdom and justness:
“And it is He, Who has created the heavens and the earth in the truth, and on the Day (of Resurrection) He will say: ‘Be!’ and it will be.” [Al-An’am 6; 73]
Life In This World Is A Test
Life in this world is a test for each and every one of us, and for those who were sent before us. In the Quran, Allah SWT says,
“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say “We Believe” and they will not be tested?” [29:2]
In another place He says,
“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, ‘Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.’ Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.” [2:155-157].
Seek Social Support or Professional Therapy
Sister, I would also like to emphasize that what you have experienced in your life is huge, and the impact of what you have faced will not go away overnight. What you need most at this time is support of your family and friends to help you move forward with your life.
In case that is not available to you – you should definitely seek professional therapy to help you explore the trauma you have experienced and move towards a brighter future InshaAllah. To move forward, it is essential to process your pain and your emotions with someone who can provide you support and comfort.
Bring Your Attention To The Present And To Yourself
I understand that while this may not be in your control, but try to bring yourself to the present moment instead of ruminating about the past. Think of what you would like to do in the present that would bring you solace, comfort and a sense of achievement. In our culture, we are often brought up with a marriage as the ultimate goal, but is it really so?
There is so much more to a woman’s identity than a marriage. The culture and society may shame you for not being able to save your marriage, but in your heart – you should know that you are a warrior.
Start doing things that you enjoy, for instance start taking walks, or writing, painting or doing things that you have always wanted to do. Work on yourself care and prioritize yourself and your emotional health over everything else.
Check out this counseling video:
Work Towards Finding Your Resilience
I understand that it is easier said than done, and I fully understand that bouncing back from a traumatic event takes immense energy and time. But I just want to tell you to hang in there and things will eventually get better for you.
Staying positive in the face of adversity is one of the biggest challenges yet it is also something that helps you propel forward. Give yourself the time to grieve your loss. But once you are ready – work on establishing your resilience.
Find your life’s purpose, and indulge yourself in things that are meaningful to you. It will help you create a spark in your life and be hopeful towards the future.
Ask Allah SWT For Help And Guidance
When in immense pain – we have a tendency to lose faith. We start to doubt everything, including our existence and if Allah SWT is even watching the pain we are experiencing. But I want to assure you Sister – that Allah SWT is Ever Present and always Seeing. In the Quran Allah SWT says,
“And indeed We have created man, and We know whatever thoughts his inner self develops, and We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein.” [50:16].
In another place He says,
Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. [13: 28]
Allah SWT definitely has better plans for you, which is why you are not in the marriage anymore. Keep asking Allah SWT for His help and mercy, Insha’Allah He will make things easy and better for you.
Salam,
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
