In this counseling answer:

“Make sure to ask for Allah’s forgiveness as Allah loves to forgive. Strengthen your relationship with Him and seek His guidance and surely He will keep you steadfast and In the straight path if only you also make the effort to take the steps to stay o the straight path and away from things that might tempt you to desire to watch pornography again.

The very fact that you are confessing to have a problem will make it a lot easy to present yourself humbly in front of Allah in seeking His forgiveness.”

Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

What you are saying makes perfect sense and is a perfect example of why pornography is forbidden in Islam. Unfortunately, in your case, it seems that your exposure to pornography was involuntary, perhaps at the hands of a family member.

However, there is nothing that can be done to go back and erase that, but instead you can find ways to.manage the consequences of this addiction.

Understandably, you go through a mix of emotions; both having sexual desires, but then at the same feeling repulsed by it at other times to the point of fearfulness about the fact that when you marry you will have to engage I this act that sometimes makes you feel so disgusted.

Islamically, a way we are encouraged to avoid such addictions through acts such as lowering your gaze. Unfortunately, having already been exposed to it you are aware of the consequences of such an addiction.

However, there are many steps that you can take to help to overcome this addiction, whilst developing a healthy association with sex that is not related to what you have viewed in pornography.

Firstly, make sure to ask for Allah’s forgiveness as Allah loves to forgive. Strengthen your relationship with Him and seek His guidance and surely He will keep you steadfast and In the straight path if only you also make the effort to take the steps to stay o the straight path and away from things that might tempt you to desire to watch pornography again. The very fact that you are confessing to have a problem will make it a lot easy to present yourself humbly in front of Allah in seeking His forgiveness.

You can help yourself to avoid such thoughts by adhering to Allah’s commands to lower your gaze. This will prevent you from seeing ladies who might trigger such thoughts that might make you feel like seeking pornography again.

Make sure to keep Allah in mind in all that you do in order that the fear you feel of Allah will be so strong that will do all you can to avoid falling into anything sinful. Likewise, make sure to seek protection from Shaytan.

Again, this can be done by increasing worship of Allah so as to keep Shaytan at bay. Completing regular fasts and reading the Qur’an can be a great way to accomplish this.

Keep yourself busy in things that don’t allow you to have spare time where you might be tempted to go back to your addiction again.

It is natural at your age to be having such feelings and Islam has the perfect solution by encouraging marriage as a means to have such needs met in a way that is acceptable. Therefore, you might consider this as well, to prevent yourself from falling into sin.

At the same time, make sure to be doing all you can to overcome your addiction and keeping it at bay as of you have a hard time curbing the addiction, then it is something that could have a terrible impact on your marriage. Remaining steadfast in your Deen will greatly help you in this task.

May Allah guide you and help you to overcome your difficulties.