Answer
In this counseling answer:
• You need to identify the contributing factors and make changes in your life. This means avoid the people who remind you of porn, get rid of the sources, and add positive influences to your life.
• Find your passion in life (the positive kind) and allow those interests to dictate how you spend your time on the Internet.
• Do not stop repenting and asking Allah to make it easy for you to quit.
As-Salamu ‘Alaykum,
Thank you for your question. Pornography is becoming a major problem for young people and adults alike due to its addictive nature and harmful side effects, not to mention the fact that it is, of course, sinful in Islam.
Easy to Addict, Hard to Quit!
Once you begin to view pornography on a regular basis, it does, indeed, become addictive, and it affects the way you view the opposite sex, relationships, and sex in general. There are countless stories of the negative effects of porn on individuals – both married and single.
Part of the problem is that porn is becoming more and more easily accessed due to the Internet. According to Chris Hedges – who dedicated a chapter in his book “Empire of Illusion” to the sickness of porn and its nature as essentially a form of violence against women – states that in 2006 worldwide porn revenues approached $100 billion, and over 13,000 porn movies are made per year in the U.S. alone. And it is spreading!
The visual images that porn provides are difficult to shake which is why you are having so much trouble avoiding it even though inside it – as you say – makes you sick. It is a perversion of love and sexual intimacy that all human beings, or at least the vast majority, yearn for that should be fulfilled in the context of marriage.
Whilst we cannot have the real thing due to our age and circumstances, we can get porn easily and cheaply. But what most people are unaware of just is how harmful porn can be. If you go to the Internet and look up “Addicted to porn”, you will find countless websites and organizations dedicated to helping people kick porn addiction. These sites will also mention that porn is one of the hardest addictions to break.
Usually, there is no easy way out of this cycle you have entered, especially if you are young and not in a position to marry. You need to identify the contributing factors and make changes in your life. This means avoid the people who remind you of porn, get rid of the sources, and add positive influences to your life.
Time to Measure your Love of Allah
Ultimately, when you are alone with your laptop, it is just you and Allah. The only thing that is going to stop you from getting on the Internet and reading or viewing smut at that time is your fear and love of Allah; it is taqwa (piety), plain and simple. You need to, therefore, increase your taqwa of Allah by learning, practicing and being around those who are God-fearing, and who will help you remember Allah.
Check out this counseling video:
Find your passion in life (the positive kind) and allow those interests to dictate how you spend your time on the Internet. There are a lot of worthwhile things to read and do on the internet that are highly beneficial. Refocus on those.
Don’t Stop Repenting
Also, do not stop repenting even if you continue to engage in this behavior. As long as you are sincere in wanting to stop, and you make every possible effort to do so, in sha’ Allah, your tawbah (repentance) will be accepted, and Allah knows best.
Many people involved in addiction make the fatal mistake of thinking that they are so bad that they are beyond forgiveness which is wrong. Allah is the Most Forgiving and will continue to forgive; however, we must be sincere in our efforts as well. Don’t get discouraged; rather, be courageous enough to make changes in your life that will focus your energy away from these negative behaviors. Don’t make the mistake of harming your future marriage by feeding your heart with the poison of porn. Leave it alone.
I hope you will write to us again with follow-up questions on this matter. I don’t expect one response from us to make the difference, but if we can have a bit of dialogue, maybe that would help.
Salams,
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
Read more:
https://aboutislam.net/family-society/your-society/purify-gaze-muslims-healing-porn-addiction/
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-the-counselor/addictions/how-to-help-my-husband-out-of-porn-addiction/