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When Shall I Talk to My Daughter about Puberty?

18 July, 2020
Q Assalamu Alaikum,

I am a mother of 3 children, 2 boys, and a girl, who is turning 11 insha'Allah this month.

My question is: when should I talk to my daughter about puberty?

Thank you.

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Many young girls have started menses at age 12, so their hormones have started awakening for some time prior to that!

•I kindly suggest that you look at this as an opportunity to be a part of her growth and development so she will feel she can talk to you about anything.

•It will insha’Allah bring you both to a new level of closeness and bonding. In a turmoil time such as puberty, your daughter will feel safe and secure she has a mom like you to talk to insha’Allah.


As-salamu alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us. Regarding your daughter, as she is 11 years old I would kindly suggest you begin talking with her now.

In fact, she may have already started the process of puberty a while ago as some children do begin early by developing public and underarm hair, breast buds, body odor, and even menses.

Many young girls have started menses at age 12, so their hormones have started awakening for some time prior to that!

Additionally, your daughter may be going through some bodily changes, but she may be too embarrassed to tell you.  This is common. 

She also may be experiencing the awakening of sexual feelings and may be confused by what she is feeling and the changes she sees in her body, however slight they may be.

When Shall I Talk to My Daughter about Puberty? - About Islam

As I am assuming your daughter is in school, I am quite sure she has heard some talk about puberty from her friends or others around her.

Therefore the information and conversation about puberty are best coming from you, her mom, as you do not want her to get misinformation, or feel abnormal about what changes are coming very soon, or those that have already appeared.


Check out this counseling video


Conclusion

Some parents feel uncomfortable discussing puberty. I kindly suggest that you look at this as an opportunity to be a part of her growth and development so she will feel she can talk to you about anything. 

It will insha’Allah bring you both to a new level of closeness and bonding. In a turmoil time such as puberty, your daughter will feel safe and secure she has a mom like you to talk to insha’Allah.

We wish you both the best during this new stage of growth in both of your lives!

Salam

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.