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My Teen Daughter Took Off Her Hijab!

09 December, 2020
Q I need your advice, my daughter is 18-year-old. The problem started last Ramadan.

I noticed that she doesn't fast when I asked her she said she was unable to fast, and she was feeling sick all the time, then she stopped praying.

Now I’m shocked by her decision to take off her hijab. Please help me what to do?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

Taking off her hijab is only a symptom of something bigger going on and to find out the root cause, you want to draw her near, not push her away.

I would kindly suggest talking to her and bring up the subject of Ramadan. When you talk with her, try not to be judgmental, it will only push her away further.

Inquire if she has had a change of heart regarding Islam and her faith. This may open up further communication as to any struggles she may be going through.

See who her friends are if she is involved with any boy as well as if she has had any trauma in her life recently.

Whatever the case may be, insha’Allah remain the person in her life that she can trust and confide in without fear of judgment or rebuttal.


As-salamu alaykum,

I am sorry to hear your daughter has strayed from the Islamic path, however, it is not uncommon at this age.

While many young adults sail through the teens years into young adulthood, some go through an identity crisis and break from who they are and what they believe in to experiment.

Talk to her

She may be basically just trying out a new idea she has seen or heard about, or maybe trying to fit in at school or elsewhere.

On the other hand, it could be an issue of a more serious nature. As she stated she was sick during Ramadan, I would further question this (even though it has passed) just to find out more about her reasoning.

My Teen Daughter Took Off Her Hijab! - About Islam

I would kindly suggest that you see who her friends are if she is involved with any boy as well as if she has had any trauma in her life recently.

When you talk with her, do assure her of your love and concern, and create an open communication wherein she feels safe to tell you anything-even though you may not agree or it shocks you, please do remain an open vessel for her insha’Allah. This may take time.

Don’t be be judgmental

As far as her hijab, you cannot force her, so I would not be demanding on that issue-her taking off her hijab is only a symptom of something bigger going on and to find out the root cause, you want to draw her near, not push her away.

I would kindly suggest taking her out for lunch somewhere nice and quiet insha’Allah, and causally bring up the subject of Ramadan.

When you talk with her, try not to be judgmental, it will only push her away further. Inquire if she has had a change of heart regarding Islam ad her faith.

This may open up further communication as to any struggles she may be going through, problems she may be having at school or work, or situations she has gotten herself into.

She may have done something for which she feels unworthy of being Muslim, not fully understanding Allah SWT’s forgiveness and love as well as yours.


Check out this counseling answer:


Conclusion 

It may take time to get to the reasons behind her change, or she may revert back to her regular self in time.

Whatever the case may be, insha’Allah remain the person in her life that she can trust and confide in without fear of judgement or rebuttal.

She just may need that right now to help her get back on the right path. You and your daughter are in our prayers.

Salam

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.