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My Teen Daughter Ignores Me, What Should I Do?

Questioner

F

Reply Date

Aug 19, 2019

Question

Dear counselor, I have a 15 year-old daughter, she is studying in the secondary school and recently I noticed that she is discussing her personal issues with her friends while ignoring me, I tried to speak with her to speak with me about any problems she faces, but she answers that she finds her friends understand her better than me. What should I do? Thanks.

Counselor

Answer


Teen Daughter Ignores

In this counseling answer:

•While you desire that she discusses her problems with you, the truth is you cannot force her to sister, you can only share of yourself in an open way and hope that she will share with and confide in you as well, though it may take time.

•Be patient with her and don’t push her. This is a natural phase of growth and development as she is seeking her own identity in an ever-changing body and emotions.


As-salamu alaykum,

At 15 this is quite normal as young adults form bonds and discuss the similar things they are going through at that age. Often times, parents are looked upon as ones who were never 15! Children often forget that their parents were once their age and thus feel “they will not understand”. Often times it is difficult for parents to remember what it felt like to be 15 thus compounding the issue.

I would kindly suggest getting in touch with your memories as a 15-year-old and try to recall some of the things you went through, who were your friends, who did you talk to the most. At this age girls can be cliquish and form strong bonds of friendship wherein everything is discussed. I would kindly suggest that you share some of your experiences with her when you were her age.

My Teen Daughter Ignores Me, What Should I Do? - About Islam

Share some funny moments to break the ice and make her laugh a well as share some serious ones and tell her how you handled it. Share with her how you may have felt vulnerable or confused about certain things and how you resolved your feelings. At this age hormones are raging, bodies have changed and moods may be temperamental.


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While you desire that she discusses her problems with you, the truth is you cannot force her to sister, you can only share of yourself in an open way and hope that she will share with and confide in you as well, though it may take time. Be patient with her and don’t push her. This is a natural phase of growth and development as she is seeking her own identity in an ever changing body and emotions.

In time, I am sure that insha’Allah you will be the one she turns to once again for advices, such is the circle of life. With a little patience and a lot of prayers, you will adjust to this new phase in your daughter’s life and still be a great support to her.

We wish you the best, you are in our prayers.


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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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