My daughter is 12 years old. She reached puppetry and her father says she must wear hijab but I think she is really young for this step.
Hijab comes with lots of challenges and she is a little kid; why should I burden her with this now?
Can we wait until she really knows what it is all about and be more mature, like 18 years old for example?
She feels hot if she wears covered clothes, and she is not used to this let alone if she wears hijab.
I think in the past prophet's time and so on 12 year old girls were considered mature enough to do this but now it is very different!
Answer
In this counseling answer:
You might begin by getting her opinion on wearing the hijab now.
It may be that she is agreeable and already ready to wear the hijab, it may be that she needs a little education and with that support choose to wear it of her own volition.
Support her by looking at hijabs together and letting her pick out any style she prefers, likewise with more modest clothing.
Letting her be a part of the process and choices will mean she is more likely to comply willingly when she’s ready.
Even if she doesn’t choose to wear it immediately, having it available to make that choice any time will facilitate her in making the decision herself.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
This is a concern that all parents of girls go through to some extent or another. For some it’ll be easy and the daughter will be happy and eager to wear it it, whereas others will be less keen and even defiant in the matter.
Is it the right time?
As parents we are the ones that will be judged for the way we guide our children. It may be that they chose to follow the wrong path, but we must do our best as parents to try and encourage them on the straight path.
This is probably the way your husband is thinking in saying she must wear it because if she should not, then he will be held accountable for the same, especially now that she has reached the age where she should be wearing the hijab.
Hijab does come with lots of challenges, as do many other things at this age. However, the blessings far outweigh the challenges.
For her to start wearing hijab at this age will be a good way to remind her about modesty at an age where her hormones will soon, if not already, start going wild and she might start taking interest in boys son to wear hijab will give her some protection in this regard.
Open discussion
This may even be a good starting point to have discussions on this topic. I know you feel that she is still too young, but the thing is, if she doesn’t learn it at home from those she trusts, she will turn to her friends to learn these things and could be lead astray and you may end up looking back with regret.
This should not be a burden, but a necessary responsibility that needs to be faced at some point.
Regardless of your and your husband’s thoughts on it, the best place to begin is to address it with her directly, after all, she is the one that would be wearing the hijab.
If it should suddenly be enforced upon her then she may be more likely to rebel, whereas if she is a part of the discussion and process then she is more likely to comply without question.
Educate her about Hijab
You might begin by getting her opinion on wearing the hijab now. It may be that she is agreeable and already ready to wear the hijab, it may be that she needs a little education and with that support choose to wear it of her own volition.
It may that she requires more extensive discussion before taking this route. Either way, consulting her first who it will help you to understand her own perspective first and you can work with this.
If she objects then things might be a bit more tricky, but you must also keep in mind that you will influence her with your own opinion so be careful about expressing that you don’t think she should wear it otherwise she may express the same opinion blindly as a means to please you.
Being part of the process
Try to address it with her more objectively to begin with so that she has the space to express her own opinion without influence.
If she is more reluctant, you can support her by looking at hijabs together and letting her pick out any style she prefers, likewise with more modest clothing.
Letting her be a part of the process and choices will mean she is more likely to comply willingly when she’s ready. Even if she doesn’t choose to wear it immediately, having it available to make that choice any time will facilitate her in making the decision herself.
Furthermore, the process of wearing hijab and covering modestly does have to come in one drastic move.
It is usually easier to make this a gradual process. It may be that she begins by wearing looser, more modest clothes before donning the hijab, or perhaps she might like to start with the hijab, whichever is more comfortable for her.
Check out this counseling video
Conclusion
It may be that she needs more time to understand why it is necessary to dress this way before making any changes.
Either way, as her parent, it is your responsibility to make sure she is equipped with the knowledge to make this decision and you can do these things to facilitate the process in a way that will make it something she desires to do for the sake of Allah.
May Allah reward your concern for raising your daughter in the best way and guide you in supporting her and may He guide her in her journey as a Muslimah.
***
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
Read more: