Answer
In this counseling answer:
In situations like this, it is always good to remember and to remind our children how, in the early days of Islam, Muslims and the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) were constantly ridiculed and bullied by the non-believers.
It is by the guidance of Allah and du`aa’, as well as some practical tips, that we hope to minimize the consequences of the bad effects of such bullying on our children’s emotions.
As-salamu `alaykum, sister.
It must have been a very difficult situation for your daughter, may Allah protect and bless Muslim children everywhere. It is from difficulties that we hope to develop strength. A lot of children are bullied for so many reasons, but, al hamdu-lillah, the reason your daughter was bullied was an honorable one. She wears hijab for the sake of Allah, and it is Allah who will protect her, at school and elsewhere, in sha’ Allah.
In situations like this, it is always good to remember and to remind our children how, in the early days of Islam, Muslims and the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) were constantly ridiculed and bullied by the non-believers.
It is by the guidance of Allah and du`aa’, as well as some practical tips, that we hope to minimize the consequences of the bad effects of such bullying on our children’s emotions.
Please find in the following, some practical tips that I hope will help you:
Build and maintain your daughter’s self –confidence by
* Encouraging her self-love, for when she loves herself, who she is, what she does and why, she will be able to stand up for herself in times of conflict. You can do so by telling her directly and indirectly that you love her and why. It would also be helpful to be protective and angry on her behalf when she meets injustice, in school or elsewhere, to develop her self-love. It is also important to demonstrate your trust in her ability to handle difficult situations and not to intervene straight away.
* Helping her develop good self-knowledge as she is a Muslim teenager living in the West at a very challenging time. It is important for her to know why she is who she is, and the consequences of following Allah’s path in this life. Talk to her a lot and listen three times as much as you talk. Encourage her to talk to you, expressing her feelings, her worries, as well as her doubts. The more she is aware of herself, the more she will be able to handle difficult situations.
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It must be very difficult, sister, to live in an area where the surrounding environment is hostile towards one’s children. It is a test, but we ask Allah to help you survive, and reward you for this in this life and in the Hereafter. Allah is near, He can see what you and your children are going through. He is Almighty and capable of protecting you and your children from all what you suffer for His sake.
Trying to look at it positively, challenges like this are good reasons for the family to bond together and to act as one entity, getting strength from Allah and from each other. Building a family atmosphere that encourages strong relationships can help in safeguarding the children and minimizing the negative effects of what they face outside. What we provide for them within the walls our houses can strengthen them, and includes
* Love, lots of it, unconditional and consistent; expressed directly and indirectly, day after day. It is very helpful to say why you are loving them, to make it genuine. For example, you can say, “I love it when you come home from school, because the house is not the same without you.”
* Security. Children need to feel secure, not only physically, but also morally. They need to feel that their moral well-being is not at stake with their parents. They need to feel that their needs and desires are respected, that they can express their worries without being ridiculed, and that they can talk about their shortcomings without being blamed.
*Role models: saying is not like seeing. Whatever you want your children to be, be it yourself! If you want them to have self-confidence, have self-confidence yourself, if you want them to have iman (faith) and strength to stand up for their rights, make sure you have that iman and strength in your own circle.
May Allah grant you the peace of mind and the strength to go about and to face the challenges with your blessed family.
Salaam.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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