His Family See Me a Bad Girl Over a 'Hotel Day Use' | About Islam
Home > Ask About Parenting > Young Hearts & Minds > His Family See Me a Bad Girl Over a ‘Hotel Day Use’

His Family See Me a Bad Girl Over a ‘Hotel Day Use’

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 24, 2019

Question

I'm in love with a boy, he is a good man. He belongs to a good family, his parents are very pious about Islam and very strict. Now the problem is we both went to a resort, we took a room there but nothing happened between us because I did not want to have any sexual relationship with him before marriage as in Islam it is haram. We enjoyed playing basketball and we even went swimming and we came back home.

Now the next day what happens was his parents came to know they think something happened between us and me committed something haram, they think I’m a bad girl and they say that girl is a cheap girl who went to a room with a boy. He tried talking to his parents also but they are not even ready to believe. I tried talking to his father but he refused. He really loves me and I love him too. He cannot go against his parents at the same time he cannot forget me. I don't know what to do? I’m really upset, helpless and confused badly. I really love him, what to do? Please help

Counselor

Answer


His Family See Me a Bad Girl Over a 'Hotel Day Use'

In this counseling answer:

•I would kindly suggest dear sister that if you have not already, that you repent of the poor choice you both made that has caused his parents to think ill of you (and him).

•More importantly, by repenting and making duaa for this situation you may gain a closer relationship with Allah which is the most important factor.

•The boy is the only one at this point who can convince his parents of your and his innocence, though it may be hard.


As-salamu alaykum dear sister,

 

Thank you for writing to us.  I am really sorry to hear about what happened between you, your intended fiancee, and his parents.  It sounds like everything was going really good sister until you both overstepped your permissible boundaries and got a hotel at a resort.  My dear sister, now I am not going to go into why this was haram because you already know.

The issue is between you and Allah as well as your intended fiancee and Allah. However, if you look at it from his parents viewpoint-or anyone’s for that matter, how does it look?  If your friend or sister told you she went to a resort with a boy she loved very much and they got a hotel room, what would you think? Would you think they were alone in a hotel room all night long, with strong feelings of love for each other and they were so strong that nothing sexual happened?  That would be very miraculous don’t you think?  So if you step back and look at the situation from a different perspective, you can insha’Allah understand how his parents may view it and why they feel as they do.

His Family See Me a Bad Girl Over a 'Hotel Day Use' - About Islam

I am not questioning you sister, if you said you did nothing I will believe you because first of all this is between you and Allah swt and secondly,  things like this do happen wherein we make mistakes, we make poor choices that can lead to haram and while we may want to do it, we back out at the last minute. However if found out, this poor choice can lead to devastating consequences as you now sadly see.


Check out this counseling video


I would kindly suggest dear sister that if you have not already, that you repent of the poor choice you both made that has caused his parents to think ill of you (and him).  More importantly, by repenting and making duaa for this situation you may gain a closer relationship with Allah which is the most important factor.

By drawing closer to Allah and seeking His mercy, Allah may touch the hearts of the boy’s parents changing their views and revealing the truth to their hearts. I will add this-it is not only you, it is him as well, this is something that some parents tend to overlook when something like this happens.  All the blame is put on the girl and she is labeled as “bad” and the boy gets off as if he wasn’t even involved at all!  It takes two, not one and he is just as responsible for this mistake.

At this point dear sister there may not be much you can do to change his parent’s minds except to pray to Allah.  I know this hurts and I am so sorry you have to go through this.  It is a most difficult situation as well as a most difficult lesson. The boy is the only one at this point who can convince his parents of your and his innocence, though it may be hard.

Lastly, in Islam sister, he is free to marry whom he chooses as long as the potential spouse meets the Islamic requirements.  His parents may say no, but he does have the right to marry you if he wishes.  No one is compelled to marry the one they do not wish to marry and one cannot be forbidden to marry a person one wishes unless there is an Islamic ruling against it.  While he would be going against his parents’ wishes, it is not a sin, it his right to marry who he wishes.

You may wish insha’Allah to speak to him concerning this right and see where he chooses to go from there.  If he does love you and does intend to marry your sister, he can…and he will.  You are in our prayers dear sister we wish you the best.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

find out more!