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What to Do If I Broke My Parents Trust?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jul 06, 2019

Question

I broke my parent's trust by having a boyfriend and they found out about us. Mum and dad keep suspecting and doubting about me and I don't know how to gain their trust back. Even if I'm telling the truth, they think I'm still lying. They're not really religious either but I keep praying they will forgive me. I have broken their trust before but this time it's worse.

Counselor

Answer


Parents Trust

In this counseling answer:

•Parents trust takes a long time to build, especially if it has been betrayed multiple times or even once,

•You might think of taking up a hobby and keeping busy in activities that will distract you from the feeling of needing to have a boyfriend also.

•Hang out with good friends and bring them to your house to meet your parents so they can be confident that you are hanging around with good people who will not lead you astray.

•You will need to be patient in this case and prove to them that you are doing all you can to avoid being in a situation where you might be tempted to get a boyfriend.


Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,

Despite your parents not being very religious, the fact that they are disappointed by you having a boyfriend is very reassuring that they are looking out for your best interests. We know that Islamically, having a boyfriend is unacceptable and there are many good reasons behind this.

Your parents are older and more experienced than you which is why they are more aware of the dangers of this, regardless of whether they are practicing or not so you would be wise to follow their advice. However,  it is evident from what you write that you are sorry for what you have done anyway, but the difficulty now lies in trying to regain their trust again.

What to Do If I Broke My Parents Trust? - About Islam

In addition to seeking forgiveness from your parents, you should also begin by seeking forgiveness from Allah. As you do so, feel comforted by the knowledge that Allah loves to forgive. Do also be aware that part of seeking forgiveness is to avoid falling into the same sin again. Therefore it is important that you do all you can to avoid being in a situation where you might feel the need to have a boyfriend again.

Parents Trust

A good way to begin is to avoid free mixing and being in environments where you will be with other boys, especially alone. This includes in online situations also which can be one of the biggest challenges in today’s world. Not only will this prevent you from being in a situation where you might be tempted to get a boyfriend, but will reassure your parents that you are not potentially out with any boys.

Hang out with good friends and bring them to your house to meet your parents so they can be confident that you are hanging around with good people who will not lead you astray. Having good friends like this will also provide you with the emotional and social support that you desire without the need for a boy to meet these desires for you.

You might also think of taking up a hobby and keeping busy in activities that will distract you from the feeling of needing to have a boyfriend also. Again, this will provide your parents with the reassurance that you are using your time usefully and not being distracted by boys.


Check out this counseling video

Understand also, that trust takes a long time to build, especially if it has been betrayed multiple times or even once, so you will need to be patient in this case and prove to them that you are doing all you can to avoid being in a situation where you might be tempted to get a boyfriend. Not only will this reassure them that you behaving in a responsible and acceptable manner, but will be good for you also in finding an alternative, more healthy ways to have fun.

May Allah guide you on the straight path and make your parents pleased with you and may He accept your efforts to please Him.

 

 

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About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

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