My Husband Does Not Want a New Baby

17 May, 2019
Q I have been married for 8 years and we have a 5-year-old son. The first year after my last delivery was very stressful, I had post-natal depression (my son was a poor sleeper), despite receiving support from the health visitors, and my mum going stayed with us for 6 weeks.My husband is refusing to have other children and insists on wearing protection during intimate relations.

He always states he will not relive that time again. I offered him alternatives such as my going home for a few months to be with my family at that stressful time (more support), but he refuses because of my child's schooling, and other disruption this may cause, I don't know how to convince him, I really want to have another child, and I don't want my son to be an only child, without a brother or a sister. What should I do?

Answer

 In this  counseling answer:

There is no guarantee for anyone that will or will not get pregnant or have a child our hope and du’aas are with Allah. Still, her husband’s attitude needs to be addressed. So, the counselor advised the questioner to find someone else who may be able to speak to her husband or a scholar and let them speak to him. Continue to ask him nicely to honor and respect her rights as well and make du’aa’ especially during Ramadan.


As-salamu `Alaikum my dear sister,

I am sorry to hear about your trials after childbirth. It can be a difficult period and masha-Allah,  Allah blessed you with the strength and support to get through it. Having a baby can be a challenging time for parents. Getting used to different schedules, and having to schedule life around someone else (the baby) can take some getting used to.

That being said, it has its rewards and it is for this reason Allah specifically mentions the respect children should have for their parents in the Qur’an.

I would speak to a scholar about this issue as my perception of this, is that it is more of a fiqh (jurisprudent) issue and not a counseling issue. As far as your husband’s attitude is concerned, from my understanding, his behavior is not only selfish, but it is un-Islamic.

My Husband Does Not Want a New Baby - About Islam

Continued use of contraception is not considered to be acceptable Islamically (unless there are specific reasons, and only in specific situations).

While I understand that it may have been difficult for your husband to adjust, and perhaps he is concerned for your health and well-being, childbirth has the greatest impact on the mother- physiologically, psychologically, spiritually and emotionally.

If, as you say, his concern is about losing his rest, then this is not a valid reason for prolonged contraception especially since and if there are alternatives to support the baby and you. As a woman and wife, it is your right as well to have children and your husband should not restrict you from this right.

Finally, the only other thing that I would suggest to you is that perhaps from this there is something that you can learn with regards to your personal relationship with Allah. You are concerned about your child being lonely or growing up alone.

As of right now, this is the will of Allah, and we need to remember that Allah knows what is best for us and for your child. Recognize that Allah’s will still prevail and if it is that your child is the only child, then this is what is best for him and all of you. Allah does not make mistakes.


Check out this counseling video

There is no guarantee for you or any of us that we will or will not get pregnant or have a child our hope and du’aas are with Allah. Still, your husband’s attitude needs to be addressed. I would find someone else who may be able to speak to your husband or a scholar and let them speak to him. Continue to ask him nicely to honor and respect your rights as well and make du’aa’ especially during Ramadan.

 

And Allah knows best.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. If you feel you are going to harm yourself, or harm someone else, please seek immediate help by calling your country’s international hotline! In no event shall About Islam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides.

 

 

 

 

About Jeewan Chanicka
Jeewan Chanicka is from Toronto, Canada, and has been involved in working with youth, education, and social services issues since 1993. He graduated with a bachelor's degree with honors in individualized studies at York University with a focus on conflict resolution and culturally appropriate forms of mediation. He has done much work with both youth and adults, especially around parenting, teenage and youth issues, and bridging the gap between generations.