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Just Me and My Divorced Mum

Questioner

H (16-female-US)

Reply Date

Dec 24, 2018

Question

My mom is divorced from my father. I was sad at first when he moved out, but now I feel my life would be miserable if they stay together. For some kids, it is really hard on them. It was hard on me as well, but when I look back on how my life would be now if they wouldn't have divorced…I don't like it. The older the kids, the harder it is on them. But we have to think also about whether the parents are happy. We should consider their feelings, too. Am I right?!

Counselor

Answer


Just Me and My Divorced Mum - About Islam

In this counseling answer:

“Both your parents are professionals and this must have helped your mother to regain economic balance in her life so that she could provide for you, her only child, her own needs and the home in which you live. Once mom regained her balance and had no fear of what will happen to you and her, she was better able to be a mother to you.”


Salam ‘Aleikom my dear little friend,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

For someone so young, it is a treat to be faced with such wisdom. You are obviously a considerate child and your mother is blessed to have a child such as you.

It is unfortunate that your parents were not able to resolve their problems, but equally, it is fortunate that you have recovered from your sadness. Divorce can affect those involved in different ways depending on the kind of marriage they had if the child was caught up in those problems, how the marriage ended and what kind of divorce they had. All of these different stages can be very difficult and quite stressful on the family that is breaking up.

Both your parents are professionals and this must have helped your mother to regain economic balance in her life so that she could provide for you, her only child, her own needs and the home in which you live. Once mom regained her balance and had no fear of what will happen to you and her, she was better able to be a mother to you.

I assume that you are not a Muslim, regardless, there is popular teaching in Islam told to us by our prophet, Prophet Muhammad, which goes as follows:

“… Who amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment? He said: Your mother, again your mother, again your mother, then your father, then your nearest relatives according to the order (of nearness)” (Bukhari 32: 6181).

Reading in between the lines of what you said, my little friend, it would seem that you have a very good mother, because it seems as if she has made sure that you are alright emotionally and that your needs are taken care of.

At the same time, no mother can be like this entirely on her own without having good support from friends and relatives, so if you do pray, give thanks to God for keeping you from harm of any kind. Sometimes we are not aware of God in our lives, but it would be good for you to thank Him for the blessings in your life, and to ask Him to guide and protect your mother always.

Salam

***

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About Hwaa Irfan

Late Hwaa Irfan, may her soul rest in peace, served as consultant, counselor and freelance writer. Her main focus was on traditional healing mechanisms as practiced in various communities, as opposed to Western healing mechanisms.

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