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As a Single Mom, How to Raise Good Muslim Kids?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Apr 17, 2019

Question

As-salaam Alikoum, I have two boys, 16 and 13 years old. I am raising them alone for the past 7 years. We have no man in our life and now I am coming to realize that I am unable to really give the support they need and I am scared! My older one is an angel and ahead in his studies, and tries to practice his Deen.

My little one, on the other hand, is very nervous and gets very angry with me whenever he doesn’t get his way. He is attached more to his friends, video cameras and always on his phone. I want to change our lifestyle and be more involved in their lives, but sometimes I come home exhausted from work! Keep in mind that I am the provider for the house as well. Please guide on how to make them the best of the ummah and how to build an environment at home where it feels like a family.

Their father picks up my little one from school and drops him off. He is an angry man, so I really don’t ask him for help or anything because he needs to help himself. I am always speaking positively about him even when the kids complain about him.

Counselor

Answer


As a Single Mom, How to Raise Good Muslim Kids?

In this counseling answer:

•Get the boys involved in Islamic activities at the Masjid. A lot of Masjid’s do have groups for boys. They meet once or twice a week and discuss “teen life” in an Islamic context.

•I would also consider finding a Muslim male Mentor for your youngest son. It can make all the difference in the world.

•If your younger son continues with his angry outbursts I will kindly suggest sister that you do get him into counseling.


As salam alaykum sister,

Thank you for writing to us. I understand that you have two boys ages 16 and 13 who you are raising alone. You do work full time and do your best to keep the home as well as keep your boys on point. You stated that their father is not really involved in the boy’s lives, that he has issues of his own.

Sister, you are doing the best that you can to create a home-like environment for your family and support them at the same time. This is no easy task! While your older child is doing very well, you are worried about the younger one who is having anger issues.

I will kindly suggest sister that you get the boys involved in Islamic activities at the Masjid. A lot of Masjid’s do have groups for boys. They meet once or twice a week and discuss “teen life” in an Islamic context. This may insha’Allah give them great insights (especially your younger one) as well as encourage them to make Muslim friendships that will last a lifetime. You may also seek to take them to Islamic events in the community.


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There are other events that go on in communities such as ice skating, going to the park, sports, movie nights, hiking etc. This will help shape your boys’ ideals regarding creating a family conducive home-life based upon Islamic principles.

I would also consider finding a Muslim male Mentor for your youngest son. It can make all the difference in the world. There are Islamic counseling centers wherein they do pair up a male with a boy, and a female with a girl when there is a need such as a single parent home wherein the child needs some extra assistance. As we are one community/family, it can be a great help insha’Allah.

If your younger son continues with his angry outbursts I will kindly suggest sister that you do get him into counseling. He may be dealing with some issues related to the absence of his father or he may be getting bullied at school or something else that you are not aware of that is causing this behavior.

All children go through different emotions at this age sister. Some handle it well (like your older son) and some experience difficulties such as your younger son. I would kindly suggest addressing it now that he is younger, rather than waiting for it to possibly get worse as he gets older.

karim serageldin & naaila clay

I’d also kindly suggest that you as well, try to get involved with the sisters at the Masjid and do some fun social activities with them. I know you are very tired when you get home from work, it’s hard. However, if you also need to have “self” time-which is taking care of you too.

Sister, you are doing a wonderful job. You are a single mom raising two boys and working full-time. The above suggestions are conducive to the growth of both boys and as the family as a whole. This, in turn, will insha’Allah, help create a warm, loving Islamic home. I know this is not a not easy road, may Allah bless you for all of your sacrifice and hard work.

Insha’Allah both of your boys will turn out to be very fine young Muslim men. May Allah swt make it easy on your sister, you are in our prayers.

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

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About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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