He Proposed to My Young Daughter

12 June, 2019
Q I am a single mother of three children. My daughter is 21 and studying in a university. Just a few days ago, she told me that there is some boy in her class who wants to marry her. She says that she trusts him enough and thinks that she will be able to live happily with him. She said that she is ready to accept whatever my decision is. She has been saying no to that boy for a long time because she thought that I would feel very bad if she said yes to him. She says she will never do anything that I am not ready to approve.

She just asked me now because she thought maybe she is not doing the right thing by rejecting that boy like that. That is why she thought it is best to talk to me and go according to my decision. I was really shocked to hear all this from her, as I never expected this from her. But I do not really know what to say to her. Is this really right on her part to do or should I punish her? I feel as if I have lost my trust in her. I do not know what to say to her really. Even if she trusts that boy how am I supposed to trust him? On what basis should I think of judging this boy for my daughter?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Your trust in your daughter should increase after this episode. You should realize that these days, young people, especially, from a single parent household, might feel as though they are on their own.

•You appoint your own brother or another male relative, or the local Imam as the wali to help you in checking out the background of this young man who has proposed to your daughter.

•Tell her not to have any more contact with him. The young man should deal with the appointed wali or guardian.


As-salamu `alaikum,

Before you do anything, make du’aa to Allah that your daughter came to talk to you about such a difficult topic. Thank Allah for the excellent job you have done in raising your daughter and for making her feel as though her life is incomplete without your input on major decisions.

When you are finished thanking Allah, give your daughter a big hug and tell her that you will stand by her side and help her figure out if this young man is, in fact, the best person for her to marry.

He Proposed to My Young Daughter - About Islam

Your trust in your daughter should increase after this episode. You should realize that these days, young people, especially, from a single parent household, might feel as though they are on their own. Your daughter has shown her love for you by coming to you for your opinion.


Check out this counseling video


As a single mother, you are not expected to play the role of both parents. Instead, we strongly suggest that you appoint your own brother or another male relative, or the local Imam as the wali to help you in checking out the background of this young man who has proposed to your daughter. Tell her not to have any more contact with him. The young man should deal with the appointed wali or guardian.

Basic things to assess would be the young man’s knowledge of the religion, his maturity, his character, and his ability to provide for your daughter. After all the interviewing, background checking, compatibility checking etc is done, you and your daughter should pray the istikhara prayer to seek guidance from Allah (Swt).

And Allah (swt) knows best.

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Read more:

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About Dr. Abdullah Abdur Rahman
Dr. Abdullah Abdur Rahman had obtained his Masters and PhD in Social Work and has worked in the US as a licensed social worker since then. His focus is on counseling Muslims in non-Muslim countries, with special emphasis on life in North America, counseling adolescents, pre-marital counseling, online counseling for married couples and da`wah (inviting people to Islam).