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My Daughter Chose Her Father after Divorce

18 January, 2022
Q My daughter chose to stay with her father when we divorced. She doesn't return my text messages and she has asked that I do not call her.

Her father has said a LOT of untrue things about me and he continues. Her father and I were together for 17 years. It has been 2 months and I am so torn apart.

I do not know what to do. She wants nothing to do with me!

Answer

In this counseling answer:

Perhaps she is just withdrawing from everyone until she sorts out her feelings.

Ensure that your heart and home are open to her and that you love her very much.

Start your healing journey and focus on some self-love.

Use this time to build yourself up because later your daughter may need you to help her.


As salamu alaykum dear sister,

Shokran for writing to us. I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. It must hurt you very deeply.

As I understand your situation, you and your husband divorced after being married for 17 years.

Your daughter chose to live with him and now she refuses to speak with you and you feel it is due to your husband’s saying lies to her about you.

Healing wounds

Sister, I do not know the reason for the divorce nor how your relationship with your daughter has been in the past.

As it has only been two months, I ask that you give it more time insha’Allah. This divorce is too new-the pain is still fresh in everyone’s hearts and minds and a possible adjustment period is needed to facilitate healing.

It is quite possible that your daughter is going through a lot of emotions right now. You and her dad were married for almost two decades. It is a lot for a teenager to handle.

It could be sister, that your daughter has her own reasons for not wanting to talk to you.

Give her some time

It may not even involve the lies your x-husband has said. Perhaps she is just withdrawing from everyone (as much as she can) until she sorts out her feelings and comes to terms with the divorce.

At some point insha’Allah, she will sort everything out and see the reality and the truth of the situation.

She may be ready to talk sister when she has processed all that has taken place. But I would not push her right now.

I would ensure that she knows your heart and home are open to her and that you love her very much, but right now she just may need space.

I kindly suggest dear sister that you use this time for yourself. Start your healing journey and focus on some self-love. It sounds like you have been through a lot and need some self-nurturing.

I am sure you have some things to work through just as your daughter does. Use this time to build yourself up because later your daughter may need you to help her.


Check out this counseling video


I know this hurts right now sister, but please know that insha’Allah this is a time for healing for you both.

I know it may seem like your daughter is taking your x-husband’s side and leaving yours but please know Allah sets all affairs straight. Make duaa to Allah for your daughter’s healing and clarity as well as for your own.

You are in our prayers, we wish you the best.

Salam,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.