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My Children See That Fasting Fills Me Dread

24 March, 2023
Q I hate fasting, it fills me with dread. How do I not convey this feeling to my children so that they see it as a beautiful thing?


In this counseling answer:

The first thing is to try and understand what it is about fasting that fills you with dread.

You have your own children around them so do all you can to make this a fun and pleasurable experience for them.

Ramadan is a great opportunity to learn self-control.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

It is unfortunate that you have negative feelings around fasting, but Alhamdulilah that you are aware this is not something that you want your children to be aware of. If they become aware of it, then they will likely develop the same dislike towards it which will be very discouraging for them in the future. So, you are doing the right thing to seek advice regarding this.

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The first thing is to try and understand what it is about fasting that fills you with dread. Did it always fill you with dread, or did something happen sometime that turns things around from a positive to negative experience?

If this is the case then you should try to revisit that moment and address with yourself at least how it turned fasting into such a terrible experience for you. If it was related to a singular event then acknowledging the fact that it happened and there’s nothing that can be done to change it again, but you can use this to better your present experience by learning from what happened previously.

My Children See That Fasting Fills Me Dread - About Islam

It perhaps may be more likely to something that relates to the experience of Ramadan as a whole as this is something that affects many. For example, many people, especially reverts, or those living apart from their extended family find Ramadan to be a lonely time. If this is the case, then this can be eased by focusing on what you do have around you, rather than what you don’t.

Make It Fun

You have your own children around them so do all you can to make this a fun and pleasurable experience for them even if at this point you don’t feel you can experience the same joy. You will find that when you observe them enjoying Ramadan that naturally, you will experience the same level of joy as you feel happy to see them so happy.

If it is not about Ramadan as a whole, but about the difficulties you face going without food and drink, then use this time to focus on other things to increase your level of eman. Connect with Allah through reading and contemplation of the Qur’an, praying, and making dua more.

Many events are organized during this time (most likely online at present) to connect more to the benefits of Ramadan aside from the actual physical act of fasting. This will be good for you at this time, but also in terms of character development moving on. These are all things that you can do with your children too, to involve them in the spirit of Ramadan too.

If it is that you find yourself becoming frustrated and displaying dislikable characteristics as a result of withholding basic needs during this time (it’s not uncommon, it happens when we are deprived of these needs) then the above can also help with this as it keeps you busy in meaningful activities that will be beneficial in overcoming such thoughts and emotions.


The important thing is that however frustrated you may become, Ramadan is a great opportunity to learn self-control. It is difficult, especially at the beginning of the month as we establish a routine, but we also know that Ramadan is an obligation upon us so we must learn to get over these difficulties and embrace a level of self-control. Always remember why you are doing it, for the sake of Allah, and in sha Allah that should be the biggest motivation to control your frustrations.

There are many reasons that fasting could be disliked and without knowing the exact cause in your case I hope that I have managed to cover it at leas to some extent in the possibilities addressed above.

May Allah make things easy for you and make Ramadan a source of spiritual growth for you and your family.



Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (