Answer
In this counseling answer:
The first thing I would suggest is approaching her in a gentle manner about it.
Invite her preparing iftar with you. It might encourage conversation too which can be helpful in taking her away from her phone.
Do other activities together.
You could come up with some agreement regarding when you have time together as a family and how many hours are acceptable for her to spend on her phone each day.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,
Unfortunately, this is quite a common problem with teens these days! Unfortunately, many parents are also fine to just let their children continue to behave like this too.
The first thing I would suggest is approaching her in a gentle manner about it. It may feel tempting to come across more directly about it, asking what she’s doing on her phone, or telling her to come out of her room. However, if there is no interesting alternative for her then she may not be happy to do so. Or it may even encourage her to retreat back to her room again. Instead, encourage her out of her room less directly by encouraging her to something that will appeal to her.
You might do this by inviting her to, for example, join you to prepare iftar. Something that will also be useful to her growing up and will engage her with you together on a task towards the same goal. It’s also a task that might encourage conversation too which can be helpful in taking her away from her phone.
You might ask her earlier in the afternoon even what she would like to eat in the evening and both of you go shopping together or even give the responsibility to her to show your trust for her and give her the chance to develop these important skills. This type of approach will encourage her away from a life locked up in her room on her phone by giving the other opportunities that might be of interest to her.
What you might also do, just to be sure of her mental state is just check in on how she’s doing generally. Sometimes this type of behavior might indicate that she is going through some difficulties.
This may not be the case as it seems to be quite normal behavior for teens these days, but on occasions, it can be an indication that something is up. You know your child to know if it’s something that you would be able to directly address her about.
Otherwise, engaging with her in activities such as the above will place her in a safe space to open up if you should casually enquire, or otherwise just get a general sense of how she is feeling. In sha Allah, there is no problem and she is just engaging in what has become quite a norm amongst this age group.
As you eventually encourage her out of her room for a bit each day, this may then be the opportunity to set some boundaries together as a team. When comfortable, you could let her know that you’re not comfortable with her staying in her room on her phone all day and that you are concerned for her wellbeing and would like to spend more time with her.
You could come up with some agreement regarding when you have time together as a family and how many hours are acceptable for her to spend on her phone each day. It could even be done in a graded manner whereby she might take the first step by staying in family areas on her phone for a while before then reducing her time bit by bit too.
This is something you can come to an agreement about together so that she is a part of the process and making decisions responsibly. This way she is more likely to stick to the changes and benefit from them.
May Allah make it easy for you both and strengthen your ties as a family.
Salam,
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