Should I Divorce For the Sake of My Kids?

28 September, 2019
Q My husband and I are having marital problems. we often discus divorce and separation. We argue a lot and he sometimes becomes violent. We have 3 kids (7, 4, 2) and it scares me how this will affect my kids. I am very stressed and depressed; and I feel I neglect them and even sometimes I shout at my kids when they are fighting or crying or even playing.

My husband also does the same. I try not to let it get to me. But I feel I am continuously ignoring my kids and their demands and their right to have a peaceful environment, and that I do not give them my full attention as they deserve, due to my mental state. Should we just separate for our kids’s sake?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Please do find a counselor in your area to address your depression and stress, it may be due to the abusive conditions you are living under.

•Please sister, also seek out parenting classes to help you relearn how to treat your children. Your local Masjid may be a good source or the counselor that you will hopefully see insha’Allah, can direct you.”


As-Salam alaykum dear sister,

I’m sorry to hear about your marriage problems. It is not a good situation at all. If your husband is violent you need to take the children and leave. Please do find someone you trust to help you with this if you fear you cannot do it alone.

It is not a healthy situation for you or your children, and yes, seeing a violent relationship between their parents will affect them as will being screamed at and neglected will.

Please do find a counselor in your area to address your depression and stress, it may be due to the abusive conditions you are living under.

Should I Divorce For the Sake of My Kids? - About Islam

Please sister, also seek out parenting classes to help you relearn how to treat your children. Your local Masjid may be a good source or the counselor that you will hopefully see insha’Allah, can direct you.

In any case, please do ensure your safety and your children, and leave. If you need help, please do google local domestic violence shelters, they can help.
You are in our prayers, please let us know how you and the children are.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

We’re Getting Divorced: How to Tell the Kids?

Negative Effects of Divorce on Children

Irresponsible Father – Shall I Ask for Divorce?

 

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach.
Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.