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Should I Divorce For the Sake of My Kids?

18 June, 2020
Q My husband and I are having marital problems. we often discuss divorce and separation. We argue a lot and he sometimes becomes violent. We have 3 kids (7, 4, 2) and it scares me how this will affect my kids.

I am very stressed and depressed; and I feel I neglect them and even sometimes I shout at my kids when they are fighting or crying or even playing.

My husband also does the same. I try not to let it get to me. But I feel I am continuously ignoring my kids and their demands and their right to have a peaceful environment, and that I do not give them my full attention as they deserve, due to my mental state.

Should we just separate for our kids’s sake?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•If your husband is violent you need to take the children and leave. Your safety is the first concern. Please do find someone you trust to help you with this if you fear you cannot do it alone.

•Please do find a counselor in your area to address your depression and stress, it may be due to the abusive conditions you are living under.

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•Please sister, also seek out parenting classes to help you relearn how to treat your children. Your local Masjid may be a good source or the counselor that you will hopefully see insha’Allah, can direct you.”


As-Salam alaykum dear sister,

I’m sorry to hear about your marriage problems. It is not a good situation at all. If your husband is violent you need to take the children and leave. Please do find someone you trust to help you with this if you fear you cannot do it alone.

It is not a healthy situation for you or your children, and yes, seeing a violent relationship between their parents will affect them as will being screamed at and neglected will.

Please do find a counselor in your area to address your depression and stress, it may be due to the abusive conditions you are living under.

Please sister, also seek out parenting classes to help you relearn how to treat your children. Your local Masjid may be a good source or the counselor that you will hopefully see insha’Allah, can direct you.

In any case, please do ensure your safety and your children, and leave. If you need help, please do google local domestic violence shelters, they can help.


You are in our prayers, please let us know how you and the children are.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.