From what you have described your ex-husband basically wanted nothing to do with the children since you divorced. He time and time again told you that he has no money, he’s not working, he needs to support his other family and other excuses so as not to care for children. Additionally, he did not keep in contact with the children on a regular basis.  In fact, it sounds like in the six years that you were divorced from him, he only spoke with the children maybe twice a year. Sadly there are many men who are like this. They think that they can not take care of their children and that it is okay. Well, it is not. He will be held accountable to the courts and more importantly, to Allah.

Your case is a common scenario, sadly. A lot of men who don’t take care of their children, suddenly want to be a father and be in their children’s lives and take them when their ex-wife gets married. If he really cared about the children and wanted them that badly he has been taking care of them all along. But he hasn’t. This is a simple case of power and jealousy. Your ex-husband is jealous because you are now married and happy. This has nothing to do with his children. It is a power play.  A good judge will see this.

Dear sister I will kindly suggest that you document everything. From the time you left him to now. Calculate exactly how much money has given you for the children, document exactly how many times he has come to visit the children or offered to send for them, and also write down the number of times he has called the children. List any gifts he has given the children as well as how many times he attended their school events or showed interest otherwise.

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At this point, I would kindly advise that you do not let him take your children anywhere. If he wants to visit the boys you may suggest that it be at your home until the court case is settled. You do not want to risk him disappearing with the children.

I would kindly ask sister that you seek full custody. Do not give in to threats, or let him coerce you into letting him taking the children from you. Most judges will look at this history and give you full custody. Your lawyer needs to emphasize as well that he suddenly took an interest in the boys when you got married. I am recommending you seek full custody with possibly supervised visitation due to the fact that you do not want him to take the boys from you and flee the country, or take them back to his country. With supervised visitation that will not happen insha’Allah. If you do fear this, I kindly suggest that you express this to your lawyer so he can inform the judge of your concerns.

Sister, please note-I am not a lawyer so please do not take this advice as professional advice. Please discuss all of these points (and others) with a lawyer. I am only stating what I have learned through life experience, as well as what I’ve learned from my clients who are were in similar situations. Your one child is now a teenager and the other is a preteen.  They are basically grown.  Sister, you raised them without his help, even though you asked him to be a part of their lives and to truly be a father. He refused.

I kindly suggest insha’Allah dear sister, that you discuss this with your husband so he can be a strength for you during this most difficult time. He sounds like a wonderful man Sister, Allah has blessed you and the children with a positive male figure who practices Islam.  He loves you and the boys and is there for all of you. This is a blessing indeed.

Please do document the interactions (or lack of) during the past 6 years, consult a lawyer immediately, restrict visitation until after the court hearing (refer to lawyer), make your concerns known about any fears you may have about him taking the children against your will.

Insha’Allah this will be a quick legal matter which will not drag out.  Insha’Allah you will have a fair judge who will see that you x-husband is using the children out of anger and jealousy and not true love or concern for them.  Make duaa to Allah that He grant you ease during this stressful time.  Insha’Allah, this will be very quickly in your favor and you, the children and your husband can resume your lives.  We wish you the best you are in our prayers.\

Salam,

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