Answer
In this counseling answer:
School is more demanding today. This reduces the quality of the learning experience and increases stress on the child.
Islam asks of us only to do our best! Do not overstress your child about his grades.
It is important for him to have a hobby because hobbies widen the scope of interests and exercise the brain in different ways.
Some children do quite well when they study with their friends. Try.
As-salamu `alaykum, and may Allah’s blessings shower your son.
We all want the best for our children, but sometimes we forget that they are from us and not of us. What does this mean?
It means that we need to see them as separate individuals as opposed to an extension of our being.
School is Hard
Schooling is more demanding today than when we were at school. We had time to enjoy ourselves, relax, and do our homework.
Exams were once or twice a year, now many schools have exams or tests every month. This reduces the quality of the learning experience and increases stress on the child.
Instead of having time to explore and understand what is being taught, children are compelled to memorize the information.
Education has become reduced to information, not knowledge, and children do not have the time to relate this information to their understanding of the world.
Doing Our Best
This does not help you very much I am sure. You are still stuck with the feeling of wanting your child to excel, although Islam asks of us only to do our best! We cannot do more than our best.
I am assuming that your son did not fail his exams; you just want him to get straight A”s. It was the same for Janet’s parents. They just wanted her to get straight “A”s.
In fact, she was the top student throughout her school life; she was respected by her fellow students and her teachers. However, being pushed to excel all the time, without pleasure, without being with her friends, and without any other activities, took a great toll on her.
She eventually had a nervous breakdown two years before she completed school. No, I am not just making it up—it is a true story.
I knew her. Later, I was to discover that the same happened to her brother!
These children spent much time in psychiatric care because when the children no longer seemed the ideal son and daughter to fulfill the ambitions of their parents, they withdrew their care and attention.
Question to Ask Yourself
I do not mean to sound harsh, but think about it, and then think about your son. Ask yourself the following about your son:
- What are the things that your son likes to do, and why?
- How much opportunity does he get to do those activities?
- What are his favorite subjects, and why?
- What are his least favorite subjects, and why?
Other aspects you might want to consider concern his routine:
- What does your son eat whilst at school?
- What is he like when he gets home from school?
- Does he need to sleep, relax, eat, or all of them?
- Does he have a nutritionally balanced diet throughout the day? This can affect his mental alertness.
- What teaching methods are employed at school and at home?
- Do you discuss both his social and academic day at school? If so, do you discuss any problems that you could resolve together? There could be obstacles that prevent him from concentrating fully on his studies.
- How much time does he spend studying in the evenings? Does he have a break during that period?
- Do you experiment with different teaching methods to see what suits him best?
Have Hobbies
It is important for him to have a hobby because hobbies widen the scope of interests and exercise the brain in different ways.
A recent study in America, at Penn University, found that children who have hobbies and practice sports do better at school than youngsters who just “hang out.”
Sports and artistic activities contribute to increased good behavior and better grades at school. Children with hobbies are less likely to have adjustment problems. So try to help him find a balance in his busy working week.
As parents, because we want so much for our children, we tend to get a bit nervous when we teach them, so you might want to consider finding him a suitable private teacher—if he really needs one.
Some children do quite well when they study with their friends. This can be organized between the parents, deciding on which home they can study in, or take it in turns.
But remember, there are those that do not benefit from this approach as they tend to forget about studying! Either way, try to give your son a balanced life, for as the expression goes, “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
Jazaka Allahu khayran.
Just one more thing, Positive Involvement: How to Teach Your Child Habits for School Success is a highly recommended book on parenting. It is published by Brown Wood Press, 1995. ISBN: 977-5452-11-2
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.