Sibling Quarrels: Set Rules And Acts

30 November, 2018
Q I have 2 children aged 10 and 13. they are good youngsters and outside they behave well, but at home they are constantly arguing and bickering with each other and there is always rivalry and quarrels. I feel like I spend half my life disciplining one or the other. Is there anything I can do to help them get along and stop the conflicts?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Parents are entitled to set rules, and I would strongly suggest that when they bicker, it would help if the more aggressive of the two could be moved to a different room and distracted with something else to think about.

•Remember, brothers and sisters can fight quite fiercely, but if anyone attacked them, they would soon rally to each other’s defense.


As-salamu `alaykum wa rahmatullahi, dear brother.

I can assure you that it is extremely common for brothers and sisters to bicker with each other as they enter their teens. If they are behaving well outside the home, then count your blessings for that, at least.

As youngsters grow up, they begin to feel the need for space of their own, and it may be that your two would appreciate rooms of their own if that is possible; or if they share a room, then at least allocate the space clearly and set out boundaries.


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They are two different growing people, and their characters will possibly become very different as their interests develop. It is important for you as parents to remain calm and loving, not to take sides or make favorites of one or the other. Be as firm and fair as you possibly can. I was one of six children, and we were squashed in our space, yet we managed somehow.

Parents are entitled to set rules, and I would strongly suggest that when they bicker, it would help if the more aggressive of the two could be moved to a different room and distracted with something else to think about. Remember, brothers and sisters can fight quite fiercely, but if anyone attacked them, they would soon rally to each other’s defense.

God bless you, wa salam

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

 

About Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood
Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood is a British Muslim author who served as Head of Religious Studies at William Gee High School, Hull, England. She is the author of some forty books on Islam and other subjects. Before converting to Islam in 1986, she was a devout Christian who earned a degree in Christian theology in 1963 at Hull University, and the post-graduate certificate in education in 1964 with distinction in both theory and practice.