In this counseling answer:

•Say “Allah” to him often, asking him to repeat it – we want their first word to be “Allah”. Don’t be disappointed if it is not – that is not proof of anything bad, but it is a blessing when it is their first word.

•It is very important that they learn to be selfless AFTER they got what we call in psychology “the healthy narcissistic needs of a child which is a healthy selfishness.

Wa ‘alaikum Salaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

Your child is very young. This is the most enjoyable time – although very demanding physically. Think of your job as transitioning your infant from perfect happiness and bliss in your womb where his every desire was fulfilled instantly and perfectly … to the serious difficulty of the opposite on the outside, where he is cold and hungry and food is not instantaneous, and touch is something that has to be asked for… If you can realize this contrast, you will do everything in your power to make his transition as easy and loving and caring as is within your power, by the Will of Allah.

There is no such thing as spoiling a baby. Hold them as much as is humanly possible. Then, when they feel safe, they will – they will want to – they will love to – explore the world! Then, you won’t be able to contain them and hold them, only manage their behavior so that they don’t kill themselves by throwing themselves off of a high bunk bed or cliff or in front of a car… Bismillah and Mashallah!

Say “Allah” to him often, asking him to repeat it – we want their first word to be “Allah”. Don’t be disappointed if it is not – that is not proof of anything bad, but a it is blessing when it is their first word. Next, know that the “terrible twos” are very difficult and last through the threes – I say, why didn’t they call it the “terrible threes” – especially with boys – they seem to love to push your buttons more than girls do.

However, I am not of the belief that we should spank our small children. The Prophet said (paraphrased) that we are our children’s “slaves” from birth to seven years old. Then, they are our slaves from 7 to 14. Then, we (their parents) become their “advising friends” after that.

Check out this counseling video

Now, don’t define “slavery” as do whatever they say and want. Define it as your life now has one singular job – their upbringing. Sometimes you need to tell them “no”, which is best said by figuring out something you can say “yes” to, like “here is a toy you can play with”. When they become our slaves, then it is the time when their brains are ready for hard work – before that their “work” is in the form of “play”, but after 7, then you can do what people call “discipline”.

I don’t like that word because to me discipline should be something you love so you love to do the hard work – but that is another conversation that is too long for this post. It is very important that they learn to be selfless AFTER they got what we call in psychology “the healthy narcissistic needs of a child which is a healthy selfishness, i.e., getting your needs met by someone else – we have that right in marriage and in life and in friendships – BUT, we have to learn how to do that for others too!

To get them ready for adulthood (7 to 14) we need to think of our role as launching them, not telling them what to do – ask them, what do you think – make them think – that way, when they are 14 they will be used to thinking on their own.

P.S. I just remembered something that helped me a lot to understand my children and child rearing. One of the words for “child” in Arabic means “someone who breaks things” (I am sorry, I did not remember the Arabic word/did not record it – I heard about it in one of Hamza Yusuf’s talks (he is a walking lexicon)). The way it helped me was that I was able to appreciate my child breaking things rather than to get upset over it. I hope this helps you too, inShaAllah.

InShaAllah, Allah make it easy for you!