I Caught My Daughter Kissing A Boy

23 March, 2020
Q As-salamu Alaikum,

I have a 6-year-old girl. I found her kissing a neighbor boy. She does like the Disney Princess movies, but she doesn’t view any adult content at all.

I’m worried but still I don’t want to over-react. I have been told that this is due to TV and needs to be nipped in the bud, can you lease guide me what should I do?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

•Perhaps her actions were a result of the types of things she watches on TV.

•It is very important to monitor what our young children are exposed to. 

•Engage her in other activities that don’t even involve being in front of a screen and keep access to screen time to an acceptable limit agreeable to both of you.

•You might have a little talk with her about what you caught her doing.

•Be very casual in the way you talk to her, do it at a time when things are quiet and she’s not distracted by other things


Wa alaykum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

It must have been quite a shock to see your 6-year-old daughter doing this. At the age of 6, there was probably nothing in it, but the advice you received already was very good advice.

Sure, Disney princess movies do seem very innocent on the surface, but it’s not uncommon to see acts that would not be acceptable in Islam such as having relationships and physical contact such as kissing outside of marriage.

The advice to nip it in the bud is good advice too in that the earlier you try to protect your child from being exposed to such materials the better.

It is a lot more difficult to break free from this later on in childhood and into adolescence.

And setting the tone of what is acceptable and not at this age instills values from a young age that makes it less likely that they fall into difficulties later on as they now have to challenge what they thought was acceptable.

Anything that your daughter is exposed to at this young age will give her the feeling of what is normal and acceptable and she will come to live by these values.

This is why it is very important to monitor what our young children are exposed to. Alhamdulillah, it seems that you understand this already as you do not expose her to adult content.

 It’s understandable why you, as with many other parents, don’t feel any harm could be done by allowing them to watch Disney movies instead.

Perhaps they won’t pick up on the subtle things that are not compatible with Islam and never act upon them, but the fact that such content is sometimes so discrete that even we as parents don’t notice so it easily gets missed.

Alhamdulillah, you have now become aware of some potential dangers in what you are allowing your daughter to be exposed to so you can see it as a blessing as an opening to make changes for the best upbringing of your daughter.

Perhaps her actions were a result of the types of things she watches on TV, or maybe it was something else, but it has drawn attention to this as a potential issue that can easily be fixed.

Of course, it’s difficult in today’s age to say that children shouldn’t be exposed to media at all when it is everywhere and is unavoidable at times.

I Caught My Daughter Kissing A Boy - About Islam

To ban her from watching such things could only spark a curiosity that could cause her to rebel in the future. Instead, you can tackle it in a much more appropriate way.

Rather than removing such things from her entirely, replace them with better. Look into other movies that don’t touch on things such as relationships and kissing.

There are plenty available so this shouldn’t be too difficult. You can also look into engaging her in other activities that don’t even involve being in front of a screen and keep access to screen time to an acceptable limit agreeable to both of you so that she has her needs met as do you.

If she has any interest in hands-on type activities then facilitate it for her. For example, if she likes arts and crafts then buy here the appropriate equipment and join in and make things with her.

As well as this, you might have a little talk with her about what you caught her doing. She probably didn’t see any harm in it or that it was a big deal so it is important to let her know that it’s not ok to do this.


Check out this counseling video


It’s certainly not necessary to scold her or make her feel bad for what happened, but she does need to know that she shouldn’t be doing this.

Be very casual in the way you talk to her, do it at a time when things are quiet and she’s not distracted by other things so that she will understand that what you are saying is serious and she does need to pay attention.

Explain it in very simple terms that you know she will understand and won’t get upset about.

May Allah reward your concern to raise your daughter in the best way. May He guide you both and may He guide your daughter to grow up and become a righteous young lady who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

Salam

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About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)