Salaam alaykum, sister. Thank you for your question, I imagine this is something a lot of people struggle with.
Alhamdulillah, congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I am truly happy that you were able to find a good man for you and I wish you a blessed, loving marriage, insha’Allah.
I am also so happy to see that a young Muslim woman is open to talking about sexual urges that she is feeling. It is so important for us to normalize these discussions, as there are some myths out there (perpetuated by Muslim scholars, even) that Muslim women do not feel sexual desire before marriage. This is, obviously, ridiculous. Sexual urges are normal and healthy – even outside of marriage! It is only acting upon them outside of marriage which is haraam. So again, thank you for being willing to discuss this, I genuinely appreciate your openness.
That is, of course, where it can get tricky – not acting on your urges until marriage. However, you are absolutely in the right that there is no reason for you to delay your marriage. While it would be in poor taste to get married immediately after your mother’s death, it is totally unnecessary to wait a full year. My husband is from Iraq and there was a death in the family shortly before his brother’s wedding. They delayed the wedding by about a month, which seems reasonable.
Islamically speaking, the mourning period is only a few days, but there are allowances for cultural practices, as long as they don’t go against Islam. What this means is if delaying your wedding will cause you to fall into sin, it is absolutely more important for you to get married than to obey cultural rules.
Please know that there is no reason for you to feel shame for wanting to get married soon. Of course your mother passing must be terribly sad, but death is an inevitable part of life. It would be un-Islamic to bring life to a screeching halt because of death. The Prophet Muhammad (saw) encouraged a healthy attitude towards death. It is okay and expected to feel sad (maybe even angry) when someone close to you dies, but you cannot stop living.
I do encourage you, sister, not to delay your wedding. You will not, insha’Allah, disturb your mother’s soul and it does not make you a bad daughter. As you said, you don’t want your relationship to turn haraam.
As for your brother and father – they are perfectly capable of figuring out how to cook for themselves. Even if you did delay your marriage and stay this Ramadhan with them, next year you would be with your husband and they would be alone. If they don’t know how to cook, write some simple instructions or show them how. It is Islamically proper for men to know how to take care of themselves.
I hope this helps, sister. Thank you for submitting your question and I wish you all the best in your marriage, insha’Allah.
(From Ask About Islam archives)
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