Where to Look For a Potential Spouse?

17 January, 2021
Q As salamu alikum, Though born in India, I was raised in Saudi Arabia. Unlike the cultural upbringing of India and conservative one of Saudi, my upbringing was quite liberal (not in rebellious sense). Though born Muslims our entirely family re-established our Islamic beliefs according to the true Islam of the early generation. This has sort of left me and my family as outcast in our Indian as well as Arab community. Now on the search for a potential spouse, my family struggles is stereotypical Islamic beliefs in both the countries or maybe that our family circles are quite limited. Can you please help me and my family in guiding us to a place where we can look for a potential groom? Can we look online. If yes, then which websites? My family would greatly appreciate your help. Jazak Allah khair.

Answer

Short Answer:

  • Yes, indeed, you can search for a suitable husband online. There is nothing wrong with doing this; in fact, the Internet has helped provide many an invaluable service to humankind, and matrimonial services are no exception.
  • I would, however, urge you to beware of charlatans and fraudster websites, especially those that charge a huge sum of money upfront for their services. I would also advise you to steer clear of dating websites and apps that masquerade as matrimonial websites.

………….

Asalaamu alaykum, and thank you for sending in your question to our website.

It is heartening and pleasing to note, sister, that your whole family has reaffirmed their faith in Islam, independently, perhaps as a consequence of living as a nuclear family unit in a foreign country.

This is indeed a great blessing of Allah upon you all, so rejoice.

It is also a blessing that Allah has freed you from the shackles of stereotypical cultural ethos and ethnic traditions, which can at times become not just cumbersome for one’s faith, but also make it confusing for a youngster like you to differentiate between man-made dogmas and Divinely-revealed laws that should govern a Muslim’s way of life.

You should indeed consider your current situation as a blessing in disguise.

For many youngsters who desire to live a more Islamic way of life, including finding a religiously suitable person for marriage, cultural and familial traditions can prove to be an obstacle.

You mention that you and your immediate family have become “outcasts” in the social circles of your Indian as well as Arab communities, because of your religiosity.

I say that this is good, because now the world is your oyster, so to speak, sister, because this exclusion from the “bubble” of your smaller cultural communities, implies the availability of a much more diverse range of options in your search for a religiously compatible spouse.

Can I Search Online?

Yes, indeed, you can search for a suitable husband online.

There is nothing wrong with doing this; in fact, the Internet has helped provide many an invaluable service to humankind, and matrimonial services are no exception.

I would, however, urge you to beware of charlatans and fraudster websites, especially those that charge a huge sum of money upfront for their services.

I would also advise you to steer clear of dating websites and apps that masquerade as matrimonial websites.

Networking Without Traditional Cultural Bounds

Nowadays, for the younger generation which is referred to as “the millennials”, an added advantage is a more globalized viewpoint and a shift away from hard-line tenacity to culture, which has also affected how marriages are convened.

For the first time perhaps, in the history of mankind, more and more families are relocating around the world and raising younger generations without the restrictions of race, nationality, and ethnicity.

Diversity is the name of the game. Even in Muslim conferences and family events, racially diverse Muslims convene in one place to attend lectures and talks by Islamic scholars.

Your parents should apply the same global viewpoint to your marriage, with adherence to Islam being the main factor in choosing your future husband.

You all should try to attend such family events if you can and register at any matrimonial services offered there.

If you and your parents wish for you to marry only into an Indian family, there is nothing inherently wrong with that.

But I would strongly advise you to make sure that your future in-laws will not impose gender-based restrictions upon you that you will not be able to adjust to since you had a liberal upbringing outside of India.

Try not to refuse marriage proposals originating from Muslims dwelling in countries other than India without considering them on the basis of Deen first.

Use Online Resources to Build Your Identity

In lieu of this, I would encourage you to develop an online persona for yourself, whilst adhering to the rules of Islam.

Through an online profile, you can not only make known to the world what kind of person you are but also what kind of spouse you are searching for.

You can use free online platforms such as a blog, Twitter profile, Instagram, or Facebook page. This could make you get noticed by brothers, or other people, who are searching for a girl just like you.

At the same time, you may register with verified and authentic matrimonial service agencies, such as Half Our Deen, or Osraty Family Development Association in Madinah.

Please make sure that all interested parties contact your father via email, not you.

However, be mentally prepared for a long road ahead, sister, because very few people find a compatible match quickly.

For most, it takes years, and the journey can be emotionally and psychologically draining.

Despair can set in quite quickly, which is why regular prayers to and a close connection with Allah is extremely important in the journey of a Muslim’s search for a spouse.

Connect to Allah Until Something Happens

Make it a habit to pray Salatul Hajah to ask Allah to grant you a good husband when there is no marriage proposal on the horizon, and Salatul Istikharah when one does arrive.

You and your parents both can perform these prayers, preferably at the time of tahajjud every day.

You may also perform umrah once a year if you can and ask Allah for special help in this regard.

Allah has set a predestined, optimal time for every decree to come to pass. So keep praying and wait patiently for that time.

For some women, getting married at 21 might be optimal, but for others, Allah could decree marriage at age 30, 40, or even later! So do not give up hope.

I pray that Allah grants you a pious husband and a happy marriage that boosts both your worldly life as well as your Hereafter. Amen.

And Allah knows best. I hope that this answers your question.

Salam. Please stay in touch.

(From Ask About Islam archives)

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

Finding a Spouse: Is Arranged Marriage the Only Option?

Halal Matchmaking: New Way to Complete Half Your Deen?

Five Cs of a Happy Marriage: Legacy of the Prophet

Top 10 Secrets For a Happy Marriage (Folder)