Answer
Short Answer: How do you know that the difficulties that you are enduring are tests in the first place and not punishments? Did it ever occur to you that maybe these difficulties and problems could be the result of your own sins? Please try to view the trials and difficulties that Allah has sent your way in their true, positive perspective. Don’t hate Allah but get to know your Creator. If you knew Him better, you would have observed His signs in a more positive and enlightening light. In short, you would love Him, just the way He loves you.
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Asalaamu alaykum, and thank you for sending in your question to our website.
Sister, I am sorry to hear of the distressed and angry state of your heart.
Anger and bitterness towards our Creator is indeed a warning sign that our faith has significantly waned.
Indeed, calamities and tests are something from which we all should seek Allah’s refuge, because they can either make or break our faith.
There are many things that are a matter of perspective and insight: a way of looking at reality for what it truly is, versus being misled by the desires and illusions that arise from deceptive appearances and false beliefs about the life of this world.
Consequences of Sins
You mention that you have been tested again and again, and this has made you angry.
You hate being human, and you think that Allah created you just like that, and then sent one test after another upon you.
Sister, firstly, how do you know that the difficulties that you are enduring, are tests in the first place, and not punishments?
Did it ever occur to you that maybe these difficulties and problems could be the result of your own sins? Because Allah says in the Quran:
“And whatever strikes you of disaster – it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much.” [42:30]
To know whether a calamity was a test or a punishment for sins, one should look at what effect it had upon our faith.
Did it make us humble and more righteous, or did it turn us away from Allah in anger?
Harboring negative feelings towards Allah, such as ingratitude (refusal to acknowledge His benevolences) and arrogance (refusing to submit to His commands), classify as grave sins of the heart.
Look Inward
Sister, please turn your introspective eye inward for a bit, and analyze your heart and your actions in the light of the Quran: have you been transgressing the bounds set by Allah?
Have you been neglecting the obligations of Islam?
When a Muslim does not repent for their sins for a long time, black spots appear on their heart, and they spread over it like rust.
This blackness of sins afflicts the heart with the ailments of ingratitude, arrogance, envy, greed, and other signs of weakened faith.
This makes the believer even more anguished and distressed, until and unless they repent sincerely and willfully break down their own rebellious defiance in front of Allah.
May Allah save us all.
I therefore urge you to hasten to repent for all of your past sins, and to intend, from now on, to turn your beliefs and actions around for the better.
The Good Behind All the Pain & Suffering
Sister, there is much hidden good behind the apparent bad things that happen.
For one, it is pain and suffering that allow us to truly enjoy states of well-being and ease.
If you analyze each and every cause of happiness & blessing that we enjoy in life, you will realize that we enjoy them in part because of the pain, evil, distress and other bad things that exist in this world.
Only extreme hunger for example can make one appreciate and enjoy every tiny morsel of food.
Extreme thirst makes that first sip of water taste ever so sweet and precious.
Death of a loved one causes one to appreciate their own time left on earth, as well as those loved ones who are still alive, more.
Only an amputee will truly appreciate and put to good use their remaining limbs.
And only a refugee who fled war and destruction will truly be able to appreciate the blessings of security and a roof over their heads, for the rest of their lives!
Love & Discipline
Sister, love has many manifestations.
Sometimes, love for someone mandates harshness, because strict training with self-discipline (even self-denial) leads to much betterment for the beloved individual.
Controlled diet and exercise for example is very difficult to do, but it leads to making the body healthy, energetic, and shapely.
Similarly, only those parents who truly love their child, are keen to impose strict rules and routines upon the latter.
So please try to view the trials and difficulties that Allah has sent your way in their true, positive perspective. And there is only one way to do that, really.
Don’t Hate Allah: Get to Know Him
I suggest you pick up a translation of the Quran, and begin to study it with the intention of getting to know your Creator better.
If you knew Him better, you would have observed His signs not just in your life, but also in the world around you, in a more positive and enlightening light.
In short, you would love Him, just the way He loves you.
And please repent for all your past sins first, in order to remove the lock of anguish and distress that is shackling your heart.
And Allah knows best. I hope that this answers your questions.
Salam. Please stay in touch.
(From Ask About Islam archives)
Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/fix-relationship-allah/
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/stopped-praying-return-allah/
https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/in-focus/happiness-is-folder/