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Parents Rejecting Marriage on Ethnicity Ground

18 August, 2025
Q Assalamu alaikumI am facing an issue where I have received a proposal from someone I knew when I was in sixth form.Alhamdulilah, we're very compatible in terms of personality, our values and our morals.We are, however, from different ethnic backgrounds. He is from an arab background whereas I am from a south Asian background. We also follow different school of thoughts.He has approached his parents and I have mentioned to my parents that I would like to get married to someone who is not from the same ethnic background as myself.And my parents have completely refused to even meet him and his parents have refused to meet with my parents.He's working and can provide for me, he also follows Islam and the 5 pillars and I do as well Alhamdulilah.But with this rejection, he is convinced that we will not work out despite wanting to marry me.I don't know what to do other than to pray to Allah and I don't know how to convince him to try again.Please can you offer me guidance on this matter?

Answer

Wa Alaykum Salaam Waramatullah Wabaraktuh Sister

Thanks for contacting us with your concern, though the issue is more of a social counseling nature (not of a Dawah/Ask About Islam issue), I will try my best to address it as much as I can

First of all, let me state clearly that a divine wisdom dictates that a man and woman become involved in a romantic relationship only through marriage governed by sublime teachings of Islam. Part of those teachings is that discrimination on the basis of racism, nationalism or ethnicity or even color of your skin is not allowed, talkless of being a basis for a life-time union between a man and a woman.

Having said that, it is very common to see our parents showing preference towards marrying someone from their own tribes or races; and it would be naive for any scholar to just wave that aside or disregard this fact; there are some tangible reasons why parents often resort to that when it comes to marriage.

Worth-mentioning also is the fact that custom and tradition can serve as a basis for legal rulings in Islam (Al ‘Adah Muhakkamah, meaning: custom is authoritative) as long as it is not contradictory with the plain Islamic texts.

So, in line with the above well-established juristic maxim, if there is a strong basis and cogent reasoning for parents refusal of a marriage proposal, or they have a certain preference – away from ignorance and sheer tribalism – that may be somehow considerable in Islam, especially given many things happening nowadays in different societies and communities. But this must be qualified within the context of what the Prophet (peace be upon him) says in one of his hadiths:

Narrated by Abu Huraira that the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “If someone proposes marriage to you whose religion and character satisfies you, then you should accept it. If you do not do so, there will be trials on the earth and the spread of corruption.” (Sunnan at-Tirmidhi; Authentic, according to Al-Bani)

The Hadith above should be taken as the basis, that’s the default principle guiding parents/guardians reactions to marriage proposal. And again, we all see what happens as a consequence of misusing this parental/guardianship authority. So this lane must be treaded very carefully. Avoiding fitna and corruption (which the Prophet (PBUH) warned against here) should be the ultimate goal of every parent and guardian when faced with this situation.

Let me also advise you sister that you should seek guidance from Allah the Almighty; Let Him guide you towards what is the best, He is the All-Knowing, All-Wise. In addition to that, try to seek assistance of some righteous and trustworthy elders in your family, or family friends. You may explore their readiness and influence to sort things out between you and your parents.

I pray to Allah Subhanau Wa tahala to guide you always

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