My Mom passed away on December 30th 2018. I always love her. But I sometimes hurt her without realizing it. by my words and my acts. I took care of her when she was sick but there were times when I was on a call and she talked to me and I just gave a short answer. She loved me more than herself and I took it for granted. Even she said she loved me so much during her last days, and told me to have sabr, to be patient while it's her who is in pain.
I did tell her how bad I am, how many faults I've done but all she said was "it's okay really it's okay". The moment she passed away at the hospital bed she was all alone with nurses, I was at the masjid outside the hospital, offering prayer fajr, and stayed there for about 5 minutes after the du'a. When I came back I saw her on the bed and doctor told me she left us already, I was 8 minutes late. Is it a sign that I was really that bad to the point God doesn't allow me to be by her side during the sakratul maut? please answer my first question.
After my mom passed away I told myself I have to be a better person, so I can benefit my Mom. I tried. Prayer, reciting Quran, reading sirah sahabiyah, and stayed away from music and movies. But this past few days I've been thinking, are my prayers and other deeds accepted? Do I fulfill the requirement as salihat child whose du'a will benefit their parent? And I start to remember how bad I was toward my Mother, how many times I didn't treat her properly, how many times I was on the phone talking to a friend while my mom was in pain. And I'm terrified, I'm really scared. I watched lectures, and it said in all of them that Allah won't forgive those who disobeyed their parent. That those who disobeyed their parent will live in regret after they parent died and their regret will be useless that's why treat your parent well.
I am really scared. What should I do now. I want to ask real forgiveness from my Mom and repent to God but my Mom isn't here anymore. I want to ask forgiveness from God and repent but I'm a big sinner. I feel like I'm in a position where there's nothing I can do to avoid the punishment. It feels like if I die now or if I repent and die later, the ending will be the same for me, will be punished in the grave and hereafter. Please do tell me what should I do so He will forgive me. I feel really worthless when I offer prayer, feels like He won't look at me at all. I remember that we have to have a positive think toward Allah, but at this point what if I think He forgive me and be content and then the end comes for me and turned out I'm not even forgiven at all. I'm so scared that's why I tried to search for ease in every lecture. Please give me some advice. I read that He's At-Taubah, He accepted repentance, but I read too that disobeying parent is a big sin that's not forgiven. Please give me some advice. And my father left my Mom before I was born, I don't hate him but I don't want to get involved in his new family too. Is that allowed? Thank you in advance.
Answer
Short Answer: As a believer one should never despair of Allah’s mercy. Allah swt has said that he will forgive any sin except for shirk. When Allah has promised you forgiveness, then don’t let shaytan tell you otherwise. Since your mother has passed away, visit her relatives and friends and ask what you can do for them. Share good speech with them as it will help you feel connected to your mother. Whenever you can, try to give sadaqah jaariya (continuous charity) on her behalf. If you are able to, plant a tree on her account. There are many places in the world where people are in need of clean water you can help build a well.
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Walaikumassalam wrwb. We are very sorry to hear about your mother. May Allah place her in highest level of jannah. May Allah make this time easy for you. Ameen.
Control Over Time
Try as we may but there is one thing we can’t control, and it’s the time that has slipped away from us. Even though we can’t fix the past we can always work on our present and prepare for our future. The fact that you are trying to work on making yourself a better person and fix your mistakes takes a lot of courage.
Nobody can replace your mother and yes it is extremely difficult when you are experiencing the loss of a loved one. Do not feel depressed or lonely because a believer is never alone. Through all these hardships Allah is always there for a believer. Turn to Him for solace and you will find Him with you. Allah says:
“Verily, we created the human being and We know what his soul whispers to him, and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein.” (Quran 50:16)
Trials For Believers
Allah will test the believers with loss of wealth, health, or a loved one. The key for a believer is to thrive through these tests by showing patience. The story of Prophet Ayyub is a perfect example of patience. Allah had blessed him with everything, a kingdom, good health, and a large family. In short he was a prosperous and happy man. Then Allah decided to test Prophet Ayyub’s faith, by sending to him one calamity after another.
In days, the world around Prophet Ayyub crumbled to dust. Prophet Ayyub beared all this with great patience and his faith didn’t waiver even for a split second! He only made dua to Allah. That Dua is recorded in the Quran,
“Indeed adversity has touched me, and you are the Most Merciful of the merciful.”(Quran 21:83)
Allah rewarded the prophet Ayyub for his firmness in faith. Allah answered the Prophets Dua and lifted away all of the difficulties and hardships which he was facing.
Will Allah Forgive?
As a believer one should never despair of Allah’s mercy. Allah swt has said that he will forgive any sin except for shirk. When Allah has promised you forgiveness, then don’t let shaytan tell you otherwise. Don’t doubt in Allah’s promise. Allah says in the Quran,
“and despair not of relief from Allah. Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people.” (12: 87)
What Can I Do For My Mother
It is essential for you to make Dua and keep making Dua for your mother. Try not to skip making Dua for her, for even a day. The Messenger of Allah said:
When a person dies, his actions come to an end, except for three things: a continuing Sadaqa (charity), knowledge from which benefit is still being derived, and a righteous child who prays for her or him (Muslim).
Since your mother has passed away, visit her relatives and friends and ask what you can do for them. Share good speech with them as it will help you feel connected to your mother. Whenever you can, try to give sadaqah jaariya (continuous charity) on her behalf. If you are able to, plant a tree on her account. There are many places in the world where people are in need of clean water you can help build a well. There are numerous things you can do on behalf of and for your mother. Inshallah the reward will reach her.
Abu Usaid Saidi said: We were once sitting with Rasulullah when a man from the tribe of Salmah came and said to him: O Messenger of Allah! do my parents have rights over me even after they have died? And Rasulullah said: Yes. You must pray to Allah to bless them with His Forgiveness and Mercy, fulfill the promises they made to anyone, and respect their relations and their friends (Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah).
Severing Ties of Kinship
Allah has given us a severe warning of not to cut ties of kinship. Allah says,
“And those who break the Covenant of Allah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse (i.e., they will be far away from Allah’s Mercy); And for them is the unhappy (evil) home (i.e., Hell).” (Quran 13:25)
Alhamdulillah that you don’t hate your father for his mistakes, however by staying away from him and his family you are hurting your father. Even though this is a sensitive area, you must understand that you can’t cut ties with your father. He is your father that’s the end of story, yes he has made mistakes in the past, but all humans make mistakes and you should overlook his mistakes in that light. Also by reconciling with your father you will feel much peace, as according to a Hadith of Prophet Muhammad,
Allah’s anger is in a father’s anger and Allah’s pleasure is in a father’s pleasure. (Tirmidhi)
Try your utmost to make amends with your father.
And Allah knows best.
I hope this helps.
Salam and please keep in touch.
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