I Am Scared of Wearing My Hijab: I Want To Take It Off!

03 July, 2019
Q Hi, I'm Aishat I move to the united state a year ago, while I was in my home country Nigeria with my mum and siblings I use my hijab though not all the time and my mum never complain about it.but when my family moved to the US with my dad he said i have to start using my hijab regularly and he even banned me from using scarfs though i felt pressured and i dislike the idea i could not say no to him. After some times i started school and I notice people do not want to talk to me even teachers behave strangely and me being someone that makes friend easily i became worried about it, i feel like I'm not myself before the mandatory use of hijab i take pictures of every single day of my life but now i don't because i feel ugly, i make friends easily but now i don't have the confidence to talk to people. Then i started hearing news about hate crimes and I'm always afraid to go out, whenever i am in public i feel nervous and whenever i am alone i have weird thoughts, with all this i made up my mind that i want to take off my hijab but i don't know how to tell my dad.

Answer

Short Answer: A person will look at you how you want them to. If you have confidence in yourself then others will respect you. Who said that you have to look ugly in hijab? There are many ways one can dress in hijab and staying within permissible boundaries look pretty. A believer must put their trust in Allah and after taking precautions, should go about their daily routine. Allah created us to enjoy the blessings He has bestowed upon us. This will be impossible if we would just stay indoors or caught up in our own insecurities. A believer shall be confident and firm in his/ her belief, and self. In a nutshell, be your cheerful self, and keep your identity, whatever is in your fate will never escape from you!

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Walaikumassalam wrwb. Thank you for approaching us with your question.

If you were standing atop a mountain with a birds eye view, you would be able to distinguish one person from the other, based on either race or religion. Amongst the hustle and bustle of life everyone will become a blur but what remains is an individual’s character.

New Environment

It takes time for a person to adjust to new places, and new people, especially if they grew up in a Muslim country. They may come across many things that are out of their comfort zone as well. It is in a way a test for them.

As your parents have grown up in a different environment, they may have certain apprehensions about raising you here. One of the reasons they didn’t push you for hijab back there is because the environment around played a role for your religious upbringing, the culture around was familiar. Now it’s a different story for both, you- and your parents.

The society in the west is very different. It is in this society that the opposite gender is referred to as eye candy. Men and women mix and talk freely. Many young adults don’t have any shame left in their character. With an environment like this a parent will have a strong urge to give their child a solid identity. Which explains why they are pressuring you to wear hijab.

A believer will go through hardships in life but it is the one who is constant in his remembrance of Allah that will take avail of those moments. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said,

“Strange is the affair of the Mumin (the believer), verily all his affairs are good for him. If something pleasing befalls him he thanks (Allah) and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him he is patient (Sabir) and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the Mumin.” (Muslim)

Perception

A person will look at you how you want them to. If you have confidence in yourself then others will respect you. Who said that you have to look ugly in hijab? There are many ways one can dress in hijab and staying within permissible boundaries look pretty. Hijab, in itself, displays the pure beauty of a woman. It’s all about how you present yourself. 

People can sense an aura from others. If a person feels that another is down or depressed then he starts to avoid them. Human nature is attracted towards lively things. Be an amiable person, even with your hijab, then people will come to you of their own accord. The ones who don’t and try to put you down, you’re better off without them.

Why is it, that hijab is making you self conscious? If anything it’s freeing you from the shackles of society and letting others see you as a person rather than a commodity. There will always be negativity around, it’s your job to find the positive aspects of life and spread them around. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, was an optimistic person, where ever he could find an opportunity he would take it.  The Prophet, peace be upon him, said,

“Give glad tidings, and do not scare people away; make things easy, and do not make things difficult.” (Abu Dawud)

Allah is The Protector

As far as being concerned for your own safety. Every single day there are mishaps going on around us. Who is to say if you will take the next breath or not. Does this mean that you should fear every time you leave your home? Then life would become miserable!

A believer must put their trust in Allah and after taking precaution, should go about their daily routine. Allah created us to enjoy the blessings He has bestowed upon us. This will be impossible if we would just stay indoors or caught up in our own insecurities. A believer shall be confident and firm in his/ her belief, and self. In a nutshell be your cheerful self, and keep your identity, whatever is in your fate will never escape from you!

I will end with this beautiful hadeeth of our beloved Prophet Muhammad, “Be mindful of God, and He will take care of you. Be mindful of Him, and you shall find Him at your side. If you ask, ask of God. If you need help, seek it from God. Know that if the whole world were to gather together in order to help you, they would not be able to help you except if God had written so. And if the whole world were to gather together in order to harm you, they would not harm you except if God had written so. The pens have been lifted, and the pages are dry.” Related by Tirmidhi

And Allah knows best.

I hope this helps.

Salam and please keep in touch.

Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:

Fearing Mockery, My Daughter Refuses to Wear Hijab

My Daughter Is Shy of Wearing Hijab

Why Does My Daughter Hate Her Hijab?