Answer
Salam dear Jenny,
Thank you for your precious questions and trust in our service.
Your questions indicate your serious interest in Islam and your belief that such contradictions do not fit with the respectful value that Islam gives to every single human being. Reading your words, made me stop like you to ask some other questions.
My questions are:
– Who said that women are seen as sex objects in Islam? What valid references mention that? Is there any hadith, Quranic verse, or credible scholar who agrees with such opinion? As you know, in Islam we have specific reliable sources to depend on, these are the Quran, the sunnah of the Prophet, his hadith, and validated sound opinions of credible scholars. Endless people would claim they are people of knowledge or scholars, but before we trust in them, we have to check their academic background and certified pass to validate a scholarly opinion.
– Where was it mentioned, through these validated sources, that if the husband wants sex and the woman is busy, with cooking, or whatever, she has to “drop everything” and become available?
– Who exactly are these “many scholars” who say that Islam came to liberate women and “humanize them” and give them high status, but “not in a marital” relationship? As far as all validated sources of cultural studies & historical women were, and still are, mistreated, bought & sold, abused sexually, evaluated only for their bodies, and dehumanized on multiple levels, by many cultural, religious and ideological paradigms.
Then, on the other hand, you find that validated sources of Islamic law and history explains thoroughly how Islam came to acknowledge the true value of women as humans, citizens, individuals, workers, family members, mothers, daughters, sisters, wives and life-partners.
The Prophet, peace be upon him, clearly stated that women and men are equal parts in relations. Narrated Aisha and Anas Ibn Malik that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“Women are counterparts of men” (Assuyyuti – Sahih)
This also means that any ruling that applies on Muslim women, do apply also on Muslim men. Both of them have their equal rights and equal duties. So, in relation to satisfying the sexual needs of each other’s, if a woman is to be cursed when she chooses to torture her husband and deprive him his needs, it is also the other way around.
Allah has allowed marriage for both Muslim men and women to find harmony, peace, tranquility, tenderness and mercy in one another. The Quran states what means:
{And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.} (Ar-Room, 30:21)
– My question here is; what is the relation, in Islam, between being a wife and cooking or burning food? Islam mentioned the status of wives in relation to life-partnership on one hand and exchanging love, mercy and harmony. The issue of cooking is simply a cultural perspective, which differs from a community to the other.
Yet, it is a fact that in many cultures, where of Muslims or non-Muslims, is that women are responsible for house work. On the other hand, you find that in Islam, Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, was in his family’s acts, i.e. he used to clean the house and stitch his own slippers by his own hands.
So, if any act makes a human deserves angel-cursing, or any kind of punishment, then it is applied on both men and women. It has nothing to do with gender. It is related to the negative action of a “human being”, or a spouse, not of a “woman” or a “man”.
The negative action I am referring to here is “choosing to deprive ones’ spouse,” from the right of being sexually satisfied in a harmonic, merciful, loving and tender atmosphere, with the purpose of controlling or torturing ones’ partner. But if any of the partners is tired, sick, not emotionally ready or busy with a serious matter, then it is a situation that needs the other partner to understand and share responsibility. Partners are to respect each other’s feelings and to share needs and respect abilities.
The Quran states what is translated as:
{On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear…} (Al-Baqara, 2:286)
On the authority of Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him), that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
“Verily Allah has pardoned [or been lenient with] for me my ummah: their mistakes, their forgetfulness, and that which they have been forced to do under duress. (Ibn Majah – Hasan)
No one is to force his partner. Each partner is to share the other partner’s cares, inner issues, moments of joy, responsibilities, tears and laughter. This is the tranquility they are to share and the mercy and tender love they are supposed to provide each other.
The points you have mentioned in your question, dear Jenny, is true. This does not dignify women and or treat them with respect, but as sex slaves. But now you know that this has nothing to do with Islam. These are acts of people who do not apply or do not know enough about Islam. The opinions mentioned and spread around are not validated by credible scholars or authenticated sources.
A husband who threatens divorce, instead of handling the situation with love, tenderness and mercy, does not really understand why Allah has ordained marriage, nor is he copying the role of Great Prophet Muhammad, who was the most loving, giving and tender husband.
My advice, dear Jenny, is to look for the truth about Islam through credible sources and certified scholars. We are not to believe anybody simply because he/she claims knowledge of Islam. Also, we are not to take Islam by the acts or misunderstandings of Muslims who misapply, or who are ignorant and they think they have the knowledge. Please differentiate between Muslims and Islam.
Islam is the message of God. It is the paradigm of values that bases its ideology on justice, peace, love, equality and mercy. Muslims are people who believe in this paradigm and attempt to adapt it as a way of life. Not necessarily each Muslim applies and understands it fully.
On the contrary, the personal human defaults and shortage of understanding, which is part of each human being, in many cases, affect the person’s way of applying what he want to believe to be true.
This is where and why we need the word “research”. It is the responsibility of the learner to seek knowledge through the correct channels of knowledge. This is exactly what you are doing Jenny. Your effort to reach the truth is highly respected. May Allah reward you!
I hope this was helpful. Please stay in touch.
Salam.