Answer
Salam Dear Sister,
Thank you so much for sending this message.
I am very happy to receive your questions. Subhan Allah, the first thing that came to my mind when I read your questions was an article I read recently on the Huffington Post by an non-Muslim woman arguing that Muslims are the True Feminists.
It shows how Islam and the lifestyle that Allah Almighty has planned for us essentially liberates women and gives them much power and control. You can take a look at the article if you will, it is quite an interesting read.
And I can tell you that, as a Muslim woman, the more I read and learn about Islam, the more I truly and genuinely feel and become fully convicted that the Creator Allah Almighty quite outstandingly honors, elevates and raises the status of women in a manner that I havenโt found anywhere else- and Allah is my witness to that!
Allah, The Most Powerful, Most Knowing, Most Wise Creator has chosen women- not men- but women to be the carriers of life into existence!
We are the creations that are honored and chosen by Allah to bring life into this world. A womanโs womb in Arabic (rahm) is extracted from the name of Allah Himself ArRahman (The Most Merciful). In-and-of itself, this is a sign of elevation and closeness that the woman has with The Creator, The King of kings, the Giver of Life.
The noble Prophet says in a hadith:
โThe word โAr-Rahmโ (womb) derives its name from โAr- Rahmanโ (i.e. Allah, The Continuously Merciful). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. Kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of Kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him.โ [Sahih Al Bukhari]
This is the value and status of the woman, the source and the foundation of the society, the link that ties the entire community together.
Allah made men โmaintainersโ of women. Meaning, wherever she may be (at her fatherโs house or her husbandโs house) the women must be fully taken care of and protected.
Her father or husband are obliged by Allah to take care of all her needs; her financial needs, her spiritual needs, her intellectual needsโฆetc. all must be met. They get rewarded for doing so, and they get held accountable before Allah Himself if the didnโt.
The Prophet says:
โWhoever has three daughters and is patient towards them, and feeds them, gives them to drink, and clothes them from his wealth; they will be a shield for him from the Fire on the Day of Resurrection.โ[Grade: Sahih. Sunan Ibn Majah]
If she wishes to work and make her own money, she is allowed to do so as she pleases. But whatever money she makes is solely hers. She can do or buy whatever she wants with it.
She is not asked or required in any way, shape or form to spend money on her family or her husband, and he is not allowed to ask her for her money. She is not obliged either by Islamic law to cook or clean in the house. But her husband, whatever money he makes, he has to maintain and spend on her! If he didnโt, he is held accountable before Allah.
If anything, Allah is treating us like Queens, sister! The Prophet says, โBe gentle with the glass-vessels (i.e. the women)โ.
He describes women as very delicate and must be dealt with softly, gently and with care.
Narrated Anas: Once Um Sulaim was (with the women who were) in charge of the luggage on a journey, and Anjashah, the servant of the Prophet, was driving their camels (very fast). The Prophet (peace and blessings upon him) said, โO Anjash! Drive slowly (the camels) with the glass vessels (i.e., ladies).โ [Sahih Al Bukhari]
Also in the hadith the Prophet said โIndeed women are counterparts of men.โ
And Allah Almighty revealed that women and men are equal before Him. He said:
โIndeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so โ for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.โ (Quran 33: 35)
Now, with regards to what you mentioned, we need to make one point very clear. Allah didnโt create men and women to fight with each other. Rather, He created them to complement one another and cover each otherโs needsโwhich is a very beautiful understanding.
โThey are clothing for you and you are clothing for them.โ (Quran 2: 187).
Men and women- the husband and wife- are described as clothing or garments for one another, which shows the closeness, mercy and bond that must be there between them.
Itโs important to realize and come to the understanding that the believing men and believing women are allies! Weโre not competing with one another, fighting or trying to overpower one another.
โThe believing men and believing women are allies of one another. They enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong and establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those โ Allah will have mercy upon them. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.โ (Quran 9:71)
The attitude of โwhy do I have to do this, not himโ or โwhy do I have to do that, not her,โโWhy do I obey him, why do I obey herโ โฆ.This is not mature way of thinking or acting for us and this is not befitting!
Again, men and women are supposed to collaborate and complement each otherโs roles and have mutual understanding.
If you think something is unjust, why do you suggest fixing an injustice by imposing further injustice on the other? Do we fix something wrong by doing the same wrong to others?
Again, Allah created this world upon โbalanceโ, there must be balance, and there must be agreement and coordination. We do not try to possess something completely or bring it completely to our side,or harm the other party to bring benefit to ourselves. Thatโs not true justice or true activism or feminism. This is imbalance and Allah didnโt call for that.
โAnd the heaven He raised and imposed the balance. That you not transgress within the balance.โ (Quran 55: 7-8)
Men and women are building communities together; pure, dignified communities. We are meant to bring goodness to this world together, raise children and serve humanity together.
Itโs not befitting for us to say for example: why are men obligated to spend their money on their families while women arenโt? Or, why are women given the ability to give birth and men arenโt? Or, why there is a chapter in the Quran called โThe Womenโ and there is no chapter called โThe Menโ?
Again, each of us have rights and responsibilities. Women are the center and the foundation of the family, the community and the Ummah. Men are maintainers and protectors of women. Together they complete and complement each other. While theyโre unique in their roles and responsibilities, but in the Sight of Allah, theyโre equally valued and rewardedโฆ
I advise you to watch this beautiful talk about roles and responsibilities of men and women by Nouman Ali Khan. It is rather beautiful and explains thoroughly the verses that you mentioned. InshaโAllah it will benefit you greatly.
With regards to the verse you mentioned: no, it doesnโt allow men to beat women unjustly and ask women to stand there helplessly. Rather, it says that in severely extreme cases where women have repeatedly transgressed all boundaries, became harmful, abusive and immoral, men can stop their harm lightly but with limits.
Thatโs what the ayah does, it puts limits. It doesnโt invite people to beat their wives. Whoever transgresses those limits has wronged in the sight of Allah. Simultaneously, Allah didnโt put any limits on women as you mentioned, on the contrary, He left it open and didnโt even put restrictions on them in this regard like He put on men.
You can watch this very short but concise explanation of the issue of โbeatingโ women here. InshaโAllah it will benefit you as well.
Finally, I remember reading a quote by renowned Egyptian scientist and writer, Mostafa Mahmoud who said โAllah entrusted men with the responsibility of building buildings and constructionsโฆetc., and He entrusted women with the responsibility of building the human beingโwhich truly is a much nobler mission!โ
Sister, Allah heard a woman who came to the Prophet to complain about her husband and He revealed verses from the Quran to give this woman her right back and to show how close He is to us, and those verses will be recited by all people in the Quran until the end of timeโฆ [Sunan Ibn Majah]
โCertainly has Allah heard the speech of the one who argues with you, [O Muhammad], concerning her husband and directs her complaint to Allah. And Allah hears your dialogue; indeed, Allah is Hearing and Seeing.โ (Quran: Chapter 58: 1)
This same woman was reported to have stopped the most powerful man in her time, Omar Ibn Al Khattab, the Khalifa, the Chief of the believers, and she challenged him and advised him on matters of the ruling and he was listening to her humbly and attentively and didnโt speak back at her.
When she was gone and he was asked why he didnโt interrupt her when she took so long of his time, he said โshall I not listen to the one whom Allah has listened to!โ
Such is the honor of women in Islam. Theyโre elevated, their bodies are sacred, and their sanctity, their intellect and their existence are dignified and protected, even serving them is rewarded.
So, have good expectations of your Most Beautiful, Most Wise, Most Just Creator, my sister. Ask Him to open doors of understanding for you, and to keep you among those who truly understand and properly practice their beautiful religion.
Learn more about Allah. How can we assume matters that are unjust about Him when His Name is The Just. Have strong faith in Him;faith like Hajarโs, the wife of Prophet Ibrahim, who had such strong faith in Allah even in the toughest, most inexplicable moments.
But with her faith and perseverance, Allah made her a role model for all believers until the day of judgement. He made her a founder of one of the main pillars of Islam: Hajj. Her journey between Safa and Marwa Mountains have become a requirement for the fulfillment of a pillar of Islam: Hajj. [Al Bukhari].
Thatโs the status of women, sister, and this our Most Merciful Creatorโฆ
Thank you again for contacting us, and please donโt hesitate to inform us if you need any more resources.
May Allah honor and shower you with wisdom, peace and light in this life and the next. Ameen
Salam and please keep in touch.
