Answer
Short Answer:
- You have to be sure that you are accepted insha’ Allah. That is on one condition, which is your sincerity in your repentance. The Only One Who would be able to measure this sincerity is Allah, your Only Witness.
- Why am I saying that you have to be sure? Because, simply this is a divine promise. God has stated in the Noble Quran that He is the One Who accepts sincere tawbah (repenting ones sins with the sincere intention of never going back to them) from His servants.
- He promised to accept tawbah from all sins, all accept worshiping others with Him. Even the grave sin of polytheism is to be completely erased from one’s portfolio if the person repents before death and submits peacefully to the One and Only Creator of all that exists
………….
Salam Dear Brother,
Thank you for your question and for contacting Ask About Islam.
I guess this is the first thing I should say. Welcome back to the life of believers and the sanctity of worshipers.
Then the second thing I have to say is that you have to be sure that you are accepted insha’ Allah. That is on one condition, which is your sincerity in your repentance. The Only One Who would be able to measure this sincerity is Allah, your Only Witness.
Why am I saying that you have to be sure? Because, simply this is a divine promise. God has stated in the Noble Quran that He is the One Who accepts sincere tawbah (repenting ones sins with the sincere intention of never going back to them) from His servants.
He promised to accept tawbah from all sins, all accept worshiping others with Him. Even the grave sin of polytheism is to be completely erased from one’s portfolio if the person repents before death and submits peacefully to the One and Only Creator of all that exists. Some Quranic examples of this promise are the verses that say what means:
{Surely Allah does not forgive that anything should be associated with Him, and forgives what is besides that to whomsoever He pleases; and whoever associates anything with Allah, he devises indeed a great sin.} (An-Nisaa’ 4:48)
{Say: O my servants! who have acted extravagantly against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allah; surely Allah forgives the faults altogether; surely He is the Forgiving the Merciful.} (Az-Zumar 39:53)
Every sin, my brother, needs a doer. A doer of any sin is always a weak creation. We sin because we are weak. Whether we lie, anger, cheat, or commit fornication, these are but reflections of our human weaknesses.
The One Who has the ability to forgive is the One Who does not have our human needs. This is why He never weakens like us. That is why He is the One and Only Divine. He is the Strong, One in His strength, never weakening. He forgives out of His Strength. Utmost Mercy is Utmost Strength.
God forgives us because He knows how weak we are, how ignorant we are. And, when we go back to Him, He knows how much we want Him and how much we sincerely regret our deeds and that we wish we never existed to do what we did. He is the Only One Who knows for real, since He is the Only One Who can read our hearts, for He is the One Who made them and made us in all.
Now, how do you know that you are sincere? You know that by taking your tawba has a serious goal and life-project and by intending never to go back to any of these sins or that sinful lifestyle you used to lead. Scholars state that sincere tawbah has to start by the determination and intention of never going back to the sin again.
If the person ever gets trapped in the same sin again, due to his human weakness, he/she has to re-repent sincerely again. This is a matter of the heart as we say. It has nothing to do with telling your family members as you mentioned.
In Islam you do not confess to a priest or to a guardian. You can only mention your problems to some wise religious person if he or she is capable of giving you a genuine advice of how to handle your problem. In Islam, the Only One Who can judge your heart is Allah Almighty.
Starting with this determined intention is always the first step of this life-time project. But, is keeping your intention in your heart and getting trapped in your fears of not being accepted enough? No! You have to express your tawbah by practically changing your lifestyle into a life of virtue.
A basic move that would help you here is to change the company you keep. Get away from those people who took you to vice. Be determined they do not remain your friends. Don’t make them your enemies, but simply get them out of your life. Why have God see you again with those who took you once to His wrath?
Then, make sure to find yourself some good company. Sometimes it is not easy to find a couple of good companions who would help you maintain your religion and virtuous life. This is why you have to go search for them!
Get yourself involved with the Muslim community in your university or at the nearest Islamic center or mosque. Find yourself some Muslim community on the net, where you would share decent and virtuous topics to discuss. Pray a lot and supplicate, asking Allah to provide you with good companions who would help you with your tawbah and devotion to Him. Be sure that He will respond to your supplication, because you are sincere and you do want Him to help you.
When you find your new company, cherish it and never give it up for trivial worldly matters. Always remember that they are humans and not angels. They are humans who want God as you do.
They might make human mistakes every now and then. But they still want God and will not be craving for sinful deeds as your previous company did. Help them out as you would want them to help you out. Help one another on the path towards God. As long as none of you seek vice, virtue is always your goal and you will always be assets to one another.
Actually finding good companions and cherishing them patiently, despite their human defaults is a divine order. It is also God’s order not to keep bad company that would always drag you towards negative worldly matters.
Read the Quran when it says what means:
{And withhold yourself with those who call on their Lord morning and evening desiring His goodwill, and let not your eyes pass from them, desiring the beauties of this world’s life; and do not follow him whose heart We have made unmindful to Our remembrance, and he follows his low desires and his case is one in which due bounds are exceeded.} (Al-Kahf 18:28)
When you find yourself good company, gradually your lifestyle will change and you will find yourself busy with virtuous deeds all the time. Be determined to devote all your life to God to “make-up” for your previous attitude. But, make sure you do not do this ignorantly or else you will get trapped in sin again. Maybe not the same sin, but ignorance sometimes drags us to sins that we never planned to reach.
Plan practical steps to learn your religion and how to lead a decent religious life according to the Quran and Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). I believe my answer to Sister N may help you: The Repentance of a Fornicator.
If you succeed in changing your lifestyle completely and become a real good Muslim who applies Quranic teachings and the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad in his daily life, then here you would be expressing gratitude to Allah.
In your question you said: “Al-hamdulillah I am not the same person anymore.” It is very important to notice that this change that happened to you is in itself a divine gift. It is a sign of God’s love, for He no longer wanted to see you sin. You should live all your life in gratitude to the tawbah He has given to you.
Sometimes we want tawbah, we dream of it, we speak of it, we plan for it, but we can never accomplish it! When we do, it is by God’s help. So we need to thank Him by sticking to His will in us.
Some Muslim sages in the past have set a sign for God’s acceptance of one’stawbah. They said that is when the person finds in himself or herself no more longing towards the sin. That usually happens when the person’s lifestyle changes completely and he/she gets involved with wholly different other interests. Then the heart and soul start to enjoy other matters than what they used to enjoy and they start to long for spiritual nutrition completely different from that they used to receive.
Virtue replaces lust. Good companions replace bad company. Late night prayers replace parties of smoking and drinking alcohol. Lawful marriage and raising lovely sons and daughters replace sin and vice. Charity and serious causes and issues replace vain talk and spendthrift attitudes. Gradually, the person even forgets the taste of his or her sin. He or she no longer longs for it. If there is any longing, it would be for the virtues and new matters that have filled the new agenda.
As for the houris, I don’t think you need to worry about that. What you really need to worry about it going to Paradise in the first place. The moment you are there, you have no problem whatsoever!
God has explicitly promised believers who enter Paradise that they would enjoy and have whatever they need, will and wish in Paradise. So, all what you need there is to wish the wish, then it comes true. The challenge then is to reach there in the first place. Reaching there needs you to strive for it all your life.
Me, you and every reader need to know that this life is but a path to the Hereafter and there you can win Paradise if only you have striven for it all your life in this world. Striving for Paradise needs a life-long devotion to God, not a momentary repentance, without real dedication to the One and Only Creator and Beloved Sustainer of all that exists.
Brother, please take your tawbah seriously. You sound as if you are. Devote yourself to God, without isolating yourself from the society. On the contrary, try to be of any use to the community around you. Be patient with your tawbah, never give it up and be patient with yourself. You need to tame your soul gradually and slowly.
And Allah knows best.
I hope this helps.
Salam and please keep in touch.
(From Ask About Islam archives)
Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links: