Answer
Short Answer: Marriage helps both men and women stay away from adultery and raise the next generation of Muslims upon Islam. By default, all Muslim men, including you, should try to get married. Especially if they possess the means to do so. Why are you so convinced that if you cannot marry this particular girl, that you should not even try to achieve gratifying love with some other woman, through marriage? I hope that you are not despairing of Allah’s mercy and the vastness of His blessings!
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Asalaamu alaykum, and thank you for sending in your question to our website.
Shunning marriage in order to devote oneself to worship and servitude of Allah is something that is not encouraged for Muslims.
Hence, it should be the exception, not the norm.
The proof of this can be found clearly in Quran and hadith.
In the Quran, Allah has issued a general command to the Muslims: “…and get the single ones from among you married….” (24:32)
Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has strongly exhorted all Muslims, particularly virile young men, to get married as well.
Marriage helps both men and women lower their gaze and guard the private parts, i.e. stay away from adultery, and raise the next generation of Muslims upon Islam.
Some Exceptions
That being said, some of our pious predecessors did what you have mentioned i.e. they shunned marriage and devoted themselves to the full-time service of Islam.
Imam Bukhari and Maryam the daughter of `Imran are such shining examples.
Usually, it is the peculiar and rare social circumstances, family situation, or biological/physiological makeup of such a person, which makes them shun marriage.
By default, though, all Muslim men, including you, should try to get married. Especially if they possess the means to do so i.e. they have the physical ability to sexually satisfy a wife, and the financial ability to support, maintain & protect her.
If they do not possess the ability to get married, then it is disliked for them to do so, and instead, they should observe frequent supererogatory fasting to control sexual desire.
A young Muslim man should at least harbor the intention to get married, especially if he possesses strong sexual desires and finds it hard to lower his gaze and stay away from adultery.
He should also strive to achieve this purpose of getting married by all available worldly means.
Of course, there will always be exceptions to the above rule e.g. a man (or woman) might have no sexual desire, could be infertile, or might not possess the financial means to marry.
It is disliked for such a man to get married, as he will be unable to fulfill the responsibilities and legal obligations of being a husband.
Beware of Satan’s Traps
Now that we have discussed the general Islamic ruling on the matter, we can talk about your particular case.
It seems, brother, that because you are besotted with a particular girl, Shaitan (Satan) is using your love for her to blind you to the other possible halal blessings and joys that could pervade your life if you proactively and willfully chose to move on, past your current intoxicating fixation over this girl.
Please bear in mind that the halal love that Allah blesses a Muslim with through marriage, is very different from the haram love that they experience in a romantic relationship outside of marriage.
The latter is a trap of the Shaitan that leads to misery and spiritual distress. The former is pure bliss that cools the eyes and fills the soul with tranquility.
It is one of Allah’s signs, according to the Quran.
Why are you so convinced that if you cannot marry this particular girl, that you should not even try to achieve gratifying love with some other woman, through marriage?
I hope that you are not despairing of Allah’s mercy and the vastness of His blessings!
Since when has one got to “prove” the sincerity of their love for another person, by sacrificing the rest of their whole life for them and remaining a single lovelorn?
This kind of nonsense is only endorsed by fantasy-fueling, illusory films and romance novels, not Islam.
In Islam, one remains grounded and humble, and devotes themselves foremost to Allah alone.
The righteous believer marries for the sake of Allah, and remains single for the sake of Allah, as well.
So I would advise you to increase your love for Allah through pursuit of the knowledge of His Book, the Quran: study it deeply, over time, and try to forget about this girl whom you could not get married to.
Later, if you choose to devote yourself, for life, for the worship of Allah, then do so for the sake of Allah alone, not because of some girl that you could not spend your life in holy matrimony with.
And if you choose to move on from your past, and get married to someone else who is righteous, then do so – again – for the sake of Allah’s pleasure, alone.
And Allah knows best. I hope that this answers your question.
Salam. Please stay in touch.
(From Ask About Islam archives)
Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/muslim-couple-build-strong-marriage/
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/is-marriage-the-prophets-sunnah/
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/do-i-have-to-get-married/