I Suspect My Wife is Not a Virgin: What to Do?

30 September, 2016
Q Assalamu Alaikum? Before I married my wife I asked her if she is a virgin and she said she is a virgin 100%, but when I met my wife she is not a virgin, she lied to me. Should I have to leave her? I want to marry another virgin woman. What did Islam say about virginity? I'm confused what should I do. Thank you.

Answer

Wa Alaykum Assalam Dear Brother,

Thank you for contacting us with your question.

The first thing that comes to my mind after reading your question is, whether your conviction that she was not a virgin when you had intercourse with her for the first time, actually stems from authentic proof. Or is it actually a result of the Shaitan casting doubts (waswasa) into your mind to spoil your marriage and cause husband and wife to separate on absolutely baseless grounds?

I do not know why you are convinced that she is not a virgin: is it because her vagina was not tight enough for you to be convinced of her virginity when you had intercourse with her for the first time, or the fact that she did not bleed enough vaginally (again, according to your expectations) after the first sexual encounter, or that she admitted to you herself that she was not a virgin when she married you (which definitely does not seem to be the case), or that you had her medically examined by a healthcare professional who confirmed to you that she was not a virgin?

Sometimes, a virgin wife’s vagina feels very tight during penetration at the time of her first sexual intercourse because of the presence of a membrane inside it called the hymen. It needs to be broken for penetration to be able to take place. However, that is not true for all women, because some women’s hymen is elastic; others’ hymen does not tear at all.

Since every woman’s vagina is different, it is very possible that there will be hardly any significant and noticeable tearing of the hymen and vaginal bleeding during the first sexual intercourse between a husband and wife. This does not justify the husband suspecting his wife of having had intercourse with someone before.

Women can sometimes have their hymen ruptured as a result of an accident during childhood. Even so, according to renowned scholar Salman Al-Oudah, “Failure to bleed on the first night is not a sign of loss of virginity, nor is it recognized as such in Islamic Law.” [IslamToday.com]

Other Muslim scholars have also sternly warned newlywed Muslim husbands like yourself against being influenced by the insinuations of Shaitan regarding the chastity of their brides.

Usually, the cause for their baseless suspicions about their wives’s chastity is either one of two:

– there not being enough vaginal bleeding,

– them not feeling her hymen break – during the first sexual encounter.

For both these cases, Islamic scholars have clearly ruled in favor of the wife, claiming emphatically that these two physical signs are not – in the least – enough grounds for doubting her chastity, whilst also appropriately admonishing the suspicious husband for allowing Shaitan to make him have doubts about her virginity because of them.

I would advise you to fear Allah and defer fulfilling your desire to deflower virgins until the Hereafter, in Jannah, Allah willing. Finding and getting married to a righteous woman, and striving to achieve marital bliss with her, is a rare blessing as it is.

In the life of this world, maintaining a happy Muslim marriage is too challenging to warrant letting the foundation of this sacred institution be shaken by baseless doubts and suspicions, and that too right at its start.

One day, if you are blessed with a daughter, you will realize how serious and grave a matter it is, for a new husband to doubt his chaste young wife’s character, right at the start of their marriage. Fear Allah, and remember that to slander a chaste woman is one of the major sins in Islam.

I hope that this answers your question.

Allah knows best.
Salam.