Answer
Short Answer: For your specific circumstance, go ahead and buy a few gifts for your wife. But avoid those gifts that depict Valentine’s Day. I would suggest something useful that she is in need of. Give her those gifts over three days, one before Valentine’s Day, one on Valentine’s Day, and one after. Now, it doesn’t have to be exactly in that order. The idea is to break the custom by giving a gift on a day other than the so-called day of “love”; also by avoiding the traditional gifts of that day.
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Wa Alaykom Assalam brother,
Thank you for your question and for contacting Ask About Islam.
Welcome to Islam and may Allah keep you and your wife steadfast on His religion.
How to Handle Wife’s Request on Valentine’s Day?
I will try my best to answer your question. However, before I do so, I would like to clarify that answers to many Islamic issues are not merely black and white since they depend on the circumstances of each individual.
Therefore, my answer is tailored to your specific situation.
I kindly request you not to disagree with other Muslims if they say otherwise or tell you that this is wrong. I will generally explain the Islamic viewpoint about this issue and then directly tackle your situation.
General Islamic Viewpoint
In Islam, there are only two celebrations throughout the year that are prescribed by Allah (SWT) through His messenger (peace be upon him); these are Eid Al-Fitr (celebration of breaking the fast), which is just after finishing the month of fasting, Ramadan.
The other one is Eid Al-Adha (celebrating the purpose of sacrifice), which comes after Muslim pilgrims stand on mount Arafat and animals are sacrificed to commemorate Prophet Abraham’s (peace be upon him) sacrifice.
Please keep in mind that Muslim scholars differ about celebrating the Prophet’s birthday and national holidays.
However, there is a consensus among all Muslim scholars that Valentine Day, Halloween, and other fabricated holidays for the sake of commercialization or otherwise, are not to be celebrated by Muslims.
Whether it is a day to celebrate love between couples or to show love and appreciation to family, such love is to be emphasized by Muslims throughout the year and not on a specific day. We love our spouses and families all the time. We don’t need to be reminded about it once a year.
If we do so once a year or once in a while then we have detached ourselves from the teachings of Islam, which tells us to keep ties of kinship. Allah says in His book:
{The Prophet is closer to the Believers than their own selves, and his wives are their mothers. Blood-relations among each other have closer personal ties, in the Decree of Allah. Than (the Brotherhood of) Believers and immigrants: nevertheless do what is just to your closest friends: such is the writing in the Decree (of Allah).} (Al-Ahzab, 33:6)
If we prioritize love, then the order would be to love Allah (SWT), the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), all Prophets (peace be upon them), all Allah’s angels (peace be upon them), the Prophet’s wives, the Prophet’s family, the Prophet’s companions, the pious scholars of the early generation, the pious scholars of this generation, our mothers, our fathers, our spouses and children, our close family and relatives, all Muslims regardless of race or nationality, our fellow countrymen and women whether Muslim or not, the rest of humanity, and all of God’s creation.
Please note that the above order is my opinion, which could have flaws. This is just my experience and someone else could have a much better and more comprehensive order.
In fact, a Muslim doesn’t hate, he or she might dislike people’s actions that defy Allah’s law. The duty of a Muslim is to pass on the message of Islam in a loving and caring way.
Therefore, first and foremost, a Muslim is required to obey Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) and that’s why Islam means to surrender peacefully to the will of God. Allah says in His book:
{O you who believe! Obey Allah, and obey the Messenger, and those charged with authority among you. If you differ in anything among yourselves, refer it to Allah and His Messenger, if you do believe in Allah and the Last Day: That is best, and most suitable for final determination.} (An-Nisaa, 4:59)
If you are able to convince your wife about the importance of obedience to Allah (SWT) and His Messenger (peace be upon him) then that would be wonderful. Otherwise, I will give you a remedy just for your specific circumstance.
For Your Specific Circumstance
Go ahead and buy a few gifts for your wife. But avoid those gifts that depict Valentine’s Day. I would suggest something useful that she is in need of. Give her those gifts over three days, one before Valentine’s Day, one on Valentine’s Day, and one after.
Now, it doesn’t have to be exactly in that order. The idea is to break the custom by giving a gift on a day other than the so called day of “love”; also by avoiding the traditional gifts of that day.
The reason for this is to be different since our Prophet (peace be upon him) wanted us always to be different from other religions and practices of non-Muslim communities.
Eventually, your wife will learn over time and you both will eventually break that habit.
As a new Muslim, it was easy to learn the basic Islamic principles, but it will take time to practice most aspects of Islam. I say “most” rather than “all” to emphasize that we can never be perfect.
So fully practicing Islam is a slow and progressive journey that all Muslim are on.
I hope this helps answer your question.
Salam and please keep in touch.
(From Ask About Islam archives)
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