Answer
Short Answer:
- My friend. It sounds to me like far from your journey being weak, it is in fact strong. Your heart is not the thing that is encouraging you to leave the Quran and your interest in Islam, it is actually the voice that is encouraging you to continue your journey.
- If this weren’t the case, you would not be struggling to continue with an inner voice calling you back. The voice of your nafs is trying to persuade you to give up. To walk away and leave it. Hence the inner turmoil you are feeling.
- So far, your journey has consisted of seeking academic knowledge. The path to The Almighty consists of two elements. The journey of the intellect and that of the heart. The latter is where we let down that guard that holds us back.
- My advice is to turn to The Almighty, the revealer of The Quran, the text you have been studying. Do it in the privacy of your heart. Connect with Him. And return to His book with heart and mind.
………….
Peace be to you,
The gift of Islam
Looking into Islam and being Muslim is a journey completely unique for everyone. This is the case whether the individual is looking at Islam as a searcher of truth and serenity from outside the faith, or a searcher from within. As for any journey in this life, it comes with its smooth path and its rocky challenges.
When we get the idea to look into Islam, it often feels like it’s a random one. We don’t necessarily wonder about where the push comes from or why. It simply feels like the right thing to do. But we must realise that there are greater things at work than random thoughts. As human beings, there are those whom Allah chooses to be guided to the truth; to Islam. In the Quran, The Almighty tells us,
‘Whoever Allah guides, there is no misleader.’ (39:37)
This tells us that people are chosen and selected by God to be offered the gift of Islam. Sometimes, this gift offered through the Quran is the first knock on the door we experience, entering the world of Islam.
The heart and the desires
You mention the heart which is very relevant. The human being consists of two spiritual elements; the heart (qalb) and the desires (nafs). When we are trying the discover ourselves, especially when young, it can be difficult to distinguish between the two. The nafs pulls us towards negative thinking and actions. The heart will always pull us towards positive thinking and actions.
However, the heart can become weak and sick when it is not spiritually fulfilled. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) described this in the most beautiful way, describing that Islam is,
“that you surrender your heart to Allah.’ (Musnad Aḥmad 16691)
Bearing this in mind, when we get the urge to move away from something that is positive, this is not the heart but the desires.
But there are ways to combat this.
Time to reflect and ponder
When a person is a genuine seeker of truth, he or she must not only open their heart to the truth, in this case through seeking the Quran, they also feel distressed when the journey seems to be taking unexpected turns. On his journey to faith, the Prophet Muhammad grew closer to The Almighty by secluding himself for weeks at a time in a cave and reflecting. This gave him the head and heart space to be prepared for the message that was to affect the entire world: the revelation of the Quran.
After the first verses were revealed, there was a break in time. During this break, he began to feel upset; wondering if any more messages would come; wondering if The Almighty may be displeased with him. This break, although difficult emotionally, much like yours, was important. It gave him the opportunity to turn even closer to Allah. It gave him the chance to reflect and ponder.
He always came to the same conclusion through this journey. And Allah confirmed this conclusion in the next verses:
‘Your Lord has not left you, neither does he dislike you.’ (Quran 93:3)
This message was a comfort for the Prophet (pbuh). But what we must also remember is that the Quran is the word of God from Him to us all. The comfort within its’ pages for the Prophet is also meant as a comfort and word directly to us.
My friend. It sounds to me like far from your journey being weak, it is in fact strong. Your heart is not the thing that is encouraging you to leave the Quran and your interest in Islam, it is actually the voice that is encouraging you to continue your journey. If this weren’t the case, you would not be struggling to continue with an inner voice calling you back. The voice of your nafs is trying to persuade you to give up. To walk away and leave it. Hence the inner turmoil you are feeling.
Connect with Him: Return to His book with heart and mind
So far, your journey has consisted of seeking academic knowledge. The path to The Almighty consists of two elements. The journey of the intellect and that of the heart. The latter is where we let down that guard that holds us back. My advice is to turn to The Almighty, the revealer of The Quran, the text you have been studying. Do it in the privacy of your heart. Connect with Him. And return to His book with heart and mind.
Oh Allah, you are the Truth, so please show me the truth. You are the only one who can guide, so please guide me to what is right for me. Please, help me to follow the path that will be the path of my success.
And Allah knows best.
I hope this helps.
Salam and please keep in touch.
(From Ask About Islam archives)
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