Answer
Short Answer: Your desire to come back on the straight path is a great sign of mercy from Allah. The first thing to do is to make a sincere repentance to Allah (SWT). Then you have to start praying again and strive for it for Allah to make you taste its beauty. You will find tips and suggestions below for you to transform your prayer and help you increase in faith.
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Peace be upon you dearest Sister,
Thank you so much for sending in your question.
We are very happy to receive it, and we assure you that your desire to come back on the straight path is a great sign of mercy from Allah.
He inspired you to want to come back as He knows you can do it and He will accept it from you and reward you for it.
So, alhamdulillah you are already on the right track.
Prayer is an extremely important pillar of Islam.
It is a grave sin to leave it because this is like cutting ties with Allah Almighty and refusing to respond to His call.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:
The first of man’s deeds for which he will be called to account on the Day of Resurrection will be salat (prayer). If it is found to be perfect, he will be safe and successful; but if it is incomplete, he will be unfortunate and a loser […]. (At- Tirmidhi).
So, leaving the prayer is a major sin. That’s why you had the negative feelings you described in your heart.
Remember this hadith that corresponds to your case: The Messenger of Allah said:
Verily, when the slave (of Allah) commits a sin, a black spot appears on his heart. When he refrains from it, seeks forgiveness and repents, his heart is polished clean. But if he returns, it increases until it covers his entire heart. […]” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi)
The first thing to do is to make sincere tawbah (repentance) to Allah Almighty, and this is something that Allah (SWT) loves us to do.
{[…] Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves.} (Quran 2:222).
Now, you HAVE to start praying again. Just do it, even if you don’t feel khushoo (concentration, humility, etc.). You have to remember that khushoo is not something we either have or we don’t have.
Rather, it is something that we have to struggle for, and practice makes perfect. By time and persistency, Allah will teach you.
{And those who strive for Us – We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good.} (Quran 29:69)
So, you have to start praying and strive for it for Allah to make you taste its beauty.
Tips to transform your prayer
1- Make Dua every time you enter into the prayer
As the Prophet (peace and blessings upon him) said:
Verily supplication is worship. (Related by the four Imams)
Remember that we say in Prayer in Surat Al Fatiha 17 times a day throughout our five daily prayers, {You alone we worship, and You alone we ask for help.} (Qur’an 1:5)
So, bring this verse to life. Ask Allah for His help with your daily decisions.
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said:
Let one of you ask his Lord for his every need, even until he asks Him for the strap of his sandal when it breaks. (Jami` at-Tirmidhi)
So, do that insha’Allah, and observe how this state of need and consciousness in asking for what you want would transform your salah.
2- Study/read/listen to tafseer of Surat Al Fatiha
There are plenty of resources online and offline to study in depth this Surah.
For example, you can listen to this lecture, it will deeply influence the way you interact with the Fatiha.
3- Elongate sujood (prostration) and make dua while you’re in sujood
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said:
Glorify your Lord in Ruku’ (bowing posture) and exert yourself in supplication in prostration. Thus your supplications are liable to be accepted. (Muslim)
Sujood has many benefits. The Messenger is reported to have said:
No worshiper performs a prostration to Allah except that by it Allah will raise him a level, and erase a sin from him for it. (Jami` at-Tirmidhi)
Try elongating your prostration, make dua, talk to Allah with sincerity and pure dedication to Him, and insha’Allah this will be a major source of peace.
4- Study more Surahs with Tafseer
It is essential to delve deeper into understanding the meaning of the verses you’re reciting.
There are many easily accessible and beneficial resources available online to help you perfectly with that, like Bayyinah Podcast and Bayyinah TV.
Try to listen to tafseer of a new short surah every week, for example, and allow this new surah to be present in your prayers.
5- Do dhikr after prayer
The Prophet (PBUH) taught us amazing supplications and adhkar (remembrance) to recite after the prayer that increases us in rewards, wipes our sins, and leaves our hearts and minds peaceful and purified.
So make sure you recite them after prayer, insha’Allah.
Mu’adh (bin Jabal) (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
Messenger of Allah (PBUH) held my hand and said, ‘O Mu’adh, By Allah, I love you and advise you not to miss supplicating after every salat (prayer) saying: ‘Allahumma a’inni ‘ala dhikrika wa shukrika, wa husni ‘ibadatika,’ (O Allah, help me remember You, expressing gratitude to You and worship You in the best manner).” (Abu Dawud and An- Nasa’i)
For other adhkar check out this link.
6- Allow the angels to supplicate for you by remaining in your prayer spot after prayer
The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said:
The angels supplicate in favor of one of you so long as he remains in the place where he has performed salat in a state of wudu’. They (the angels) say: ‘O Allah! Forgive him, O Allah! Have mercy on him.’ (Al- Bukhari)
Receiving the supplications of the angels in your favor will surely bring you more peace and sakeena (serenity). So, don’t miss this opportunity.
So, insha’Allah, make sure you persist on the prayer, listening to tafseer of Surat Al Fatiha and other surahs to help you enjoy the experience of reciting and pondering on Allah’s Words in prayer, as well as speaking to Him in sujood.
Also read these article to help you: Do I Have Firm Faith and How to Start Over After a Life of Sins.
May Allah bring light and life and guidance and peace into your heart and grant you the best reward in this life and the next.
I hope this helps.
Salam.
(From Ask About Islam archives)
Please continue feeding your curiosity, and find more info in the following links:
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/get-closer-allah-seek-sincerely/
https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/5-tips-remain-steadfast/