Asalamu Alaikum Sundas,
Thank you for contacting About Islam with your question.
First of all, I must say that I find it surprising that you are trying to guide someone to Islam when you appear to be involved in a relationship that does not reflect the teachings of Islam.
Boyfriend-girlfriend relations are not permissible in Islam.
So, I advise you to pray to Allah and let this young man explore Islam and approach it with all due respect to Muslims, their beliefs, and values.
The fact that he is asking difficult questions may very well be to challenge your beliefs and put doubts in your head, and not necessarily really a desire to learn.
This is a common method used by non-Muslims in bringing Muslims, who don’t know enough to answer these tough questions, to follow their ways and beliefs.
I advise you to withdraw from this relationship until he makes the intention to marry you, after having embraced Islam inshaAllah.
The Beauty of Islam
Having said that, you need to show him that Islam is not like other religions. He will not be attracted to Islam if it appears to him to be no better than what he is presently following.
Islam is a complete way of life and not merely a religion that is reserved for one day of the week. Nor is it a belief that one has that can be separated from daily practices and dealings with people.
The Quran is unlike any other book. It is the word of God to mankind and the final revelation. Humanity is challenged by Allah to find fault in the Quran or to create something like it.
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the final messenger to mankind and his example is a mercy and guidance for people of all paths of life.
Be a Positive Role Model
You need to be a positive role model for him to follow. By your remaining his girlfriend, you are painting the wrong picture of Islam, a hypocritical picture that shows Islam to be not morally superior to the path that he is currently following.
This is one of the worst ways of giving dawah, and you will be doing Islam a huge disservice if you remain with him.
Words are one thing, putting beliefs into practice is something else. Islam has to have an effect on the life of a Muslim. Islam is God’s way for mankind to follow and He will not accept any other way of life for His servants.
This means that you must present the best picture possible for Islam. Islam has spread—over the years—not by the sword, nor by the preaching of scholars; but by the high, noble character that pious Muslims possess. When others see this, they are attracted to Islam because they see sincerity, devotion, and a person at peace.
You need to refer difficult questions to a knowledgeable Muslim or scholar. Getting the wrong information at this important stage is difficult to overcome later. First impressions last the longest, so don’t try to explain a concept or aspect of Islam that you yourself do not fully understand.
This would be unintentionally spreading a lie about Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) or even worse, about Allah (SWT). You may also find yourself questioning your own beliefs if the person asking the question is able to convince you of the apparent “error” of your ways as a Muslim.
If this does happen, it will only be from a lack of knowledge and not from any fault in Islam.
Inviting to Islam
You can also ask him to have a look at this site and browse through our section. This might also provide him with some basic information.
Additionally, a safe rule is that men should give dawah to other men, and women to women. Otherwise, Satan gets involved and changes the intention of the one calling to Islam. You should let the Muslim men of a local masjid talk to him about Islam if possible.
I hope this has answered your question and I ask Allah to help and guide us all to what pleases Him. Thank you and please keep in touch.
(From Ask About Islam archive)
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