My Take on When to Divorce

These opinions have been forming in my head long before I can put all the words together to actually write it. And Allah knows best. 

While it is true that none of us get married only to divorce, it is sometimes the only necessary thing left for us to do in a marriage that no longer serves Allah.

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Marriage in Islam is a bond so protected because it is the very structure where a Muslim family is built. It is one of Allah’s greatest gifts to us in this life. Alhamdulillah. However, if in the very same marriage, our faith is not being nourished because of the great differences between spouses, then we must pause for a moment and ponder whether it is taking us to paradise or hellfire. Certainly, there must only be one destination.

Why does this even happen?

This case is very apparent with those who chose to marry someone who has a different race, nationality, or culture apart from their own. Although in Islam, the fact that we all share the Shahada, means we are no longer different except in the level of righteousness. And Allah knows best. 

Aside from the differences between spouses, another reason is if it’s a polygamous marriage. As it was so ideal in the past and in the time of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, it is no longer the same in the present times. Although it still works for some people because of their immense Taqwa or consciousness of Allah, there are so many other factors that greatly affects the marriage bond that makes it so difficult to maintain and sustain in this current life.

Divorce for so many people nowadays is no longer something to be afraid of, although it is not encouraged in Islam, there are valid cases wherein it is the only best option to take. One of which is if it no longer serves Allah, His pleasure. We only get married for that purpose mainly and all the others are just secondary. 

In a marriage, if the respect is no longer there, if it is only about inflicting pain and harm to both the husband and wife, also that’s affecting their children, and it can no longer be resolved, divorce is the optimal. The success of any marriage is first by the support from Allah, second, by fulfilling the rights of each spouses. And more often in the latter is where we fail the most. Allah Al Mustaan.

Regarding patience in almost all of what we do as Muslims, the same goes for marriage, patience also has its limits. It is fact that by being patient, we can get to Jannah, it is also fact that we must only be patient through those that’s keeping us sane and that’s still keeping our religion intact. If we are staying patient but committing sins like backbiting our spouses, constantly hating, constantly blaming, speaking harsh words, etc. then patience in that sense is of no benefit at all. We are only in the marriage serving our egos. 

When a marriage no good

Being in a destructive marriage just because of the children doesn’t make any sense either. As parents, we are raising the next generation of muslims. How in the world will our children believe that Islam is the religion of peace and kindness, if in our own marriages, in our own homes, it is absent?

How these children will be like as Muslim adults if they are growing up in a household with both the parents hating and harming each other? It is easy to say that we know what is our religion, it is easy to say we know Islam, but sometimes in our very own Muslim homes we forget to live by it first. And Allah knows best. 

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Allah made divorce permissible also with its limitations. Everything in Islam is governed by Allah’s law.

Alhamdulillah

We shouldn’t feel bad or sad if things didn’t end up well in a marriage that resulted to a divorce. We may have planned all our lives to be good with our spouses in our marriages, however, let us not forget that while we plan what we want in this life, Allah has the best plan for us all and it is only His plan that befall us and that is what’s meant to last. 

May Allah make everything easy for all the Muslim families. May He protect and support Muslim husbands and wives to keep their marriages only for His sake. To respect and fulfill each spousal rights.

And may Allah make the divorce easy for those who had reached the end of theirs. May Allah protect the children, the next generation of Muslims whom He had entrusted to us, that they may be raised only according to Allah’s standards and according to the peaceful and easy Islam we are all supposed to be living by. May we all die as Muslims in submission to Allah. Ameen.