As salamu alaykum sister,

Shokran for writing to us and trusting us with your concerns.  Sister, we all fall short and we all sin.  It’s a part of growing in Islam and striving towards what is good.

No one is perfect and most people have things in their past they would rather keep in the past and rightly so-that is why is it called a “past”.  Your remorse and feelings of guilt are a good thing-it illustrates how sorry you are about what happened as well as shows how much you love Allah and do seek to please Him.

Sister, Allah swt is most forgiving and loves to forgive.  In the Qur’an (1)  it states

“ Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.”

With this in mind sister, please know that when you repent and ask for forgiveness of your sins, that Allah in His infinite mercy forgives “do not despair the mercy of Allah…”.

A hadith (2) discusses forgiveness in terms of people with sky-high sins “I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) saying, “Allah, the Exalted, has said: ‘O son of Adam! I shall go on forgiving you so long as you pray to Me and aspire for My forgiveness whatever may be your sins. O son of Adam! I do not care even if your sins should pile up to the sky and should you beg pardon of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam! If you come to Me with an earthful of sins and meet Me, not associating anything with Me in worship, I will certainly grant you as much pardon as will fill the earth.”‘

Often times even though we have repented the quilt and remorse keep building up. This can get in the way of our relationship with Allah as well as lead us to possible future temptations to sin in the same way as we feel we are so horrid that we are not forgiven and we may give up.

If you keep hanging on to your past sins after giving them to Allah for forgiveness, isn’t that kind of like doubting Allah’s mercy?  Sister, once you have repented, let it go. Move forward and ahead in your life and in Islam.  Trust in Allah that these matters are over (just be aware not to repeat them) and make duaa to Allah to guide you down the right path.

Once you realize that your sins are in your past, that by repenting and seeking forgiveness you are renewed.  Also when you repented sister, Allah covers your sins and you should not bring them up again to anyone.  This means that any future husband is not entitled to know of your past sins.

“Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “Every one of my followers will be forgiven except those who expose (openly) their wrongdoings. An example of this is that of a man who commits a sin at night which Allah has covered for him, and in the morning, he would say (to people): “I committed such and such sin last night,’ while Allah had kept it a secret. During the night Allah has covered it up but in the morning he tears up the cover provided by Allah Himself.” (3).

Insha’Allah sister you will find comfort in these hadiths as well as in Qur’an.  Insha’Allah you can trust in Allah that this part of your life is over and you are ready to start anew. Draw closer to Allah, get involved in positive and educational groups for sisters at your Masjid and local Islamic community Centre now, and and when you go back to Australia.   Be happy, rejoice and be grateful for such a loving Lord.  As far as that Muslim boyfriend, friend or whatever-whoever he is, he is lost.  Please cut off all contact with him.  You stated that “the guilt came back when I met a muslim boy who rejected me and still continues to tell me that no one will ever accept me.  He threatens to expose me and I feel I have no where to go”.  First of all, he has no right to tell you that.  He must not know of Islam and of Allah’s forgiveness.  If you cut him off sister he can no longer threaten you.  As he may feel he can bully you as you feel you are “unforgivable” know right now that Allah loves you and Allah loves to forgive.  With this knowledge, trust and faith in Allah, you are taking away this boy’s power over you.  When this boy has no power over you he cannot continue to harm you. If he does decide to gossip and spread your past, he will only harm himself, not you.  Allah is always watching and Allah is Muntaqim.

I kindly advise you sister to rest assured Allah loves and forgives you.Please do move forward in your Islam, getting involved in increasing your Islamic knowledge as well as seeking out Islamic sisters to do things with.  Cut off this boy-he is lost and he is toxic.

Don’t worry about what he says or does sister.  Most likely he will not do or say anything as his power over you will be taken away and if by chance he does, Allah will deal with him.

Please do embrace that peace that you had when you were practicing Islam sister, it is a gift worth pursing and insha’Allah you will get it back very soon.  Trust in Allah.

1-https://quran.com/39/53

2-https://sunnah.com/riyadussaliheen/20

3-https://sunnah.com/riyadussaliheen/1/241

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