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Convert: I Am Totally Fed-Up With Muslims

02 October, 2017
Q Honestly, I am disgusted and enraged by what I have seen happening in the Muslim community, and especially among Muslim leaders lately. I live in a small town in America and people harass me for my religion regularly. Then, when I meet a Muslim, I am expected to be best friends with them, just because we have the same religion. There are billions of Muslims in the world with different personalities and cultures, so how can we be expected to all want to be best friends?! I have been Muslim for 10 years and in those 10 years, I have known maybe 4 Muslims who truly loved Allah and had good hearts. They were not perfect, at all, but they were kind and good. Everyone else was rude, backward, dishonest, disloyal, and obsessed with reward, not being good for the sake of it. I want to be Muslim because I believe there is no God but God, and Prophet Muhammad is His final messenger, but I do not have any desire to have any relationship with any Muslims ever again, except the barest responsibilities, like if they needed help or were sick, or just saying salaam for them. I know plenty of Muslims who have become “un-mosqued” if you will, who totally avoid the mosque and other Muslims. My good Christian friends say they cannot just disconnect from the Church because they see the church as a body, and the body can’t live well without its hand or foot or liver. They are committed to staying in the body of the church and working to fix it. But the Muslim community is not interested in improving. The mosques are run by old men from old countries who have no interest or knowledge of REAL life in America. Here is my question: is there any authentic hadiths or quran verses that REQUIRE me to interact with the Muslim community, especially in the West when our communities are weak, broken, and in danger, and made up of many different cultures, and where being known to be Muslim (which only affects women because of hijab) can mean your death? I want to remove my hijab and never go to the mosque again and only be responsible for myself and my beliefs, not for the bad choices of a Muslim preacher or “Muslim” terrorists!

Answer

Short answer: Your concerns and feelings are valid; There are definitely major problems in the Muslim community. But we are one body: cutting yourself off from them solves nothing, and harms both yourself and them in the short and long-term, and it pleases Satan immensely.


Salaam Alaykum waRahmat Allah Dearest sister,

I really ask Allah to descend His special peace and mercy upon your heart and mind. The pain that I sensed in your question actually hurt me, and it reminded me of this hadith:

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings upon him) said,

The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

So, the short answer is yes, Muslims are all one body, and cutting oneself off from that body will be detrimental for all involved.

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Love and Unity Reflect the Strength of One’s Faith

I understand your frustrations, and this is something that we all go through.

We have to remember, though, that it is very easy to hate one another, disagree, and get angry or frustrated.

But, Allah gave us a direct command to remain in the company of those who believe in Him sincerely.

And keep yourself patient [by being] with those who call upon their Lord in the morning and the evening, seeking His countenance. And let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life, and do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire and whose affair is ever [in] neglect. (Qur’an 18:28)

So, can we abandon our Muslim brothers and sisters?

Actually, this would be going against the teachings of the Prophet who said:

“It is not lawful for a man to desert his Muslim brother for more than three nights.” (Sahih Al Bukhari)

Do Not Hate One Another

Remember that one of Prophet Muhammad’s (peace and blessings upon him) missions was to unite all Muslims and help them get over their tribalism and their differences.

He said: 

Do not have estranged relations with one another. Do not nurse enmity and do not feel envy against one another. O Allah’s worshippers! Be brothers! [Muslim]

It is very easy to like people who are just like us and who agree with us; this is tribalism. But Allah wants us to build a community, not a tribe.

It takes strength and deep faith to love and commit to those you disagree with, just because you’re united for the sake of Allah, and because His love and pleasure in our hearts are stronger than our own pleasure, weakness or desires.

Faith is not just about doing the ritualistic actions, faith is choosing to submit to Allah and committing to His message, and trying to serve others until the last breath.

Accordingly, we can’t allow our differences to enter into our hearts and ruin our relationships with our brothers and sisters.

Will separation and detachment solve the problem?

The thing is that we don’t solve problems by running away from them.

If we run away from everything that we dislike, we will sit idle in our homes until death, because there is so much that we disagree with in other people and in this world in general.  

Most importantly, in submitting to differences, we actually fulfill Satan’s desire.

The Prophet said,

Satan has despaired of being worshipped by those who engage in prayer…. but (has not lost hope) in creating dissension among them. [Muslim]

By remaining angry at one another and detaching from one another, we allow Satan to win over us.

The Messenger said:

Iblis (Satan) places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. [Sahih Muslim]

Also, the feelings of despise or disgust that we carry in our hearts for our brothers and sisters mean that we have a lot of work to do in terms of the purification of our souls.

And if one chooses to be alone or separated from Muslims, this actually makes him an easier prey to Satan.

The Prophet peace be upon him said:

Adhere to the Jama’ah (the group of believers), beware of separation, for indeed Shaitan is with one, and he is further away from two. Whoever wants the best place in Paradise, then let him stick to the Jama’ah. [Jami` at-Tirmidhi]

This is really a very serious hadith and an important reminder for us.

Earning the love of Allah by loving others for His Sake

So now what to do? Well, start by trying to look for the good in people and you will find it.

One of the greatest injustices we can commit against ourselves and against others is to generalize and paint all people with the same brush.

Yes, there might be some bad Muslims, unwelcoming mosques or unfit leaders, but this is why we are alive…to work in order to make things better.

We are not in Jannah yet. There are no angels on this earth. It is just us, sinful, weak, work-in-progress us.

So, we have to work and not give up on ourselves or on one another.  

So, be hopeful and look for the good in people and you will find it. This is much more healing to the heart than holding grudges and being detached.

When we find it in us to love one another despite everything going on and to work as much as we can to make things right, Allah will descend His own love upon us, and if we earn His love… then everything will be blessed.


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