I am a 25 years old female currently living with my parents. I had never had a relationship with men I'm interested in. So, I figured that I will be doomed to be single for the rest of my life. Then, I met this South American boy online and he expressed interest in me. I didn't like him at first but he kept wooing me and I was hooked. He is a believing Christian.
He mentioned before this that he did learn about Islam and even tried to read the Quran, but he feels that prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is more of a war general. I did try giving him some articles but he got angry instead. So, I haven't pushed Islam to him since then because I do not have the confidence or know how to do da'wah.
It has been almost 2 years since we've been together and he wants to see me in person as soon as I finish my studies. I feel lost. I never told anyone about him explicitly.
I also have engaged in a few virtual immoral sessions with him like sending pictures. I know it's wrong, but I feel weak against it. I probably stayed in this relationship because I have this wishful thinking that he might convert to Islam.
He reads the Bible and he's very in touch with believing in Jesus. Somehow I figured, maybe, just maybe he can accept Muhammad (pbuh) someday and see that Jesus is the same prophet that God sent. What shall I do? Thank you.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
A Muslim woman cannot get married to a non-Muslim man. Therefore, when being indulged in a relationship with a non-Muslim, it’s best to repent to Allah for any sins and ask for His guidance. It is advisable to quit the relationship and move on – unless the man sincerely converts to Islam.
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for placing your trust in our ability to propose a solution to your current situation.
As you might know, a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim man, whether he is Jewish, Christian or anything else because Allah (swt) says in the Quran,
“And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.” (2:221)
Convert
Given the above words from Allah (swt) himself, I do not think that you can proceed to get married to him before he converts. And until he converts, I believe, you should not be thinking too much about him as this will cause issues in the future.
His conversion to Islam is not really in your or in anyone’s control, but it is rather the will of Allah (swt). If Allah (swt) wills, he will convert, and if not, then he will remain the same religion he currently is.
This is exactly why many wise people advice that one should not get into a relationship hoping that the other individual will change. The change of their personality, or in this case religion, is not in our hands under any circumstance and; hence, we should only pursue the type of person we are sincerely willing to completely accept.
Check out this counseling video:
Sin and forgiveness
In my opinion, you have committed a sin by interacting freely and frequently with this individual online and going to extreme measures. You must seek Allah (swt)’s forgiveness and pray that Allah (swt) will show you the right way.
Another point I’d like to focus your attention on is the character of the individual you have been talking to online for a few years now. If he had been genuinely interested in marrying you in the future, why would he have forced you to do the impermissible and lewd acts?
The type of relationship that he wanted from you should be clear after he requested what he requested. Although I cannot judge a person, and although I can be wrong, I strongly believe that if he wants you to meet him, he is not really a person of good intentions.
He mentioned that his mom and his sister know about you, but to what extent can you prove his claims right? Can you speak with them? Can you believe for sure that they are really his true family? You are risking too much by placing so much trust on him – an individual you have only met online.
Move on
My advice for you, although it may be hard, is to completely forget him.
Firstly, he is not a Muslim, and by what you have stated, he is not interested in conversion.
Secondly, you have met him online. You cannot really determine to what extent he is truthful.
Thirdly, he has talked you into committing sins. A person of good character, no matter what religion, would not have forced such acts. I personally know some Christians and some Chinese people of atheism here in Canada who, when interested in someone, were serious enough to propose marriage without too much interaction.
Therefore, although religion plays an important role when determining a person’s character, it is not religion alone. Some individuals follow many of Islam’s guidelines although they are far from accepting Islam.
I hope you think about my advice deeply and ask Allah (swt) to not only forgive you but also guide you towards the right path and send you the right person to marry at the right time who will be a source of blessing for you in this world and the next.
Amen,
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