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My Arranged Marriage with a Schizophrenic

17 May, 2017
Q I am 21 years old. I got married at the age of 18 which was an arranged marriage. I have a number of siblings and I am the eldest one. My problem is that my marriage has been extremely torturing (both physical and mental) for me since day one. My husband, who is also my cousin, suffers from a psychological disease called schizophrenia. I did not know about it before marriage. When I got to know it, we almost divorced like so many times before. But relatives pressured me emotionally and blackmailed my parents, so I ended up staying with him. Now, I have a daughter as well who is a year old, yet nothing has changed. My husband doesn't work; my parents and his mom finance us, and since we are living with his mom and his stepfather, so we don't have any financial problem. But I am sick of this man. I cannot stand his presence. I keep having ugly flashbacks all the time and sometimes they depress me so much that I feel like killing myself. Then I realize I have a daughter who needs me. I pray five times a day and keep asking Allah for help. I just want to get out of here as soon as possible, but my parents want me to stay and try more. I do not know what to do. Please guide me.

Answer

Karim Serageldin
17 May, 2017

Answer:

As-Salaam ‘Alaykum sister,

I am sorry to hear of your difficulty. Your parents’ request of simply trying more is unrealistic. Your husband needs professional psychiatry if he is truly schizophrenic. He will most likely need medication and ongoing treatment to overcome his condition.

It is important to get the help of empathetic family members to support you. With respect, remind your parents of the fact that they will meet God one day and be accountable for their deeds, especially their treatment of their children. God will help you if you take courageous action to help yourself. We must take the means as God constantly reminds us in the Quran of those who have faith and act.

If your family does not recognize the severity of your situation or they deny it due to blackmail, then seek social services in your area to help you. Sometimes we need to go outside of the family for help if our family is the cause of our suffering.

If you and your husband do not work and are dependent on the parents financially, then you are likely to be under their control and directive. You should consider working and becoming financially independent so that you can be autonomous with family decisions.

In sha’ Allah, if your husband gets treatment, there is hope that you two can experience a positive marriage with additional support of counseling. If this type of support is not available, then start doing your own research and learn how to improve your marriage with online resources. There may be online counseling you can receive in your area as well.

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Lastly, if thoughts of self-harm or suicide continue, please get in touch with suicide hotlines as soon as possible. Please, do not underestimate it. These hotlines are very helpful and have people willing to listen and support you. I could not find any hotlines in Pakistan, but here is a resource for India.

Hope this helps,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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Schizophrenia Arranged Marriages mental illness thinking of divorce suicidal thoughts Self-harm
About Karim Serageldin
Karim Serageldin, founder of Noor, completed his BA in psychology & religion, followed by an MA in east-west psychology with a specialization in spiritual counseling. He is a certified life coach with years of teaching and community outreach experience. His practical work and research includes developing a modern framework of Islamic psychology, relationship, family and youth coaching. He provides seminars and workshops in the United States. You can contact Br. Karim at: http://www.noorhumanconsulting.com or facebook.com/noorhumanconsulting