Q I am writing because of the loneliness and lack of hope I am feeling. I make a lot of dua and have been doing so for almost all my life. I am the only daughter, with a few older brothers. All raised in North America. I always wanted to get married, have a family and a nice family life. I grew up in a religious but tumultuous home. My father became angry easily. He is a hafiz but he also swears and he was not kind to my mother. I grew up always feeling scared, and if I took one step out of line I was often ostracized. This continued even into my adult years until I decided to move to my own home at age 35 (just a few minutes away from my parents). I always thought, when I grow up I will live in a home with love and peace, where there are no threats and no fear. I then began working. I found it stressful and still do. After all these years, at age 41, I am tired of life. I find it harsh and unfortunately I feel that Islam has given me no options. Living in the west, marriage has been unreachable for me. As a minority, my chances of marriage were nil at best. No one in the Muslim community or my family ever tried to help, even when I pleaded with them to do so. The Internet is a bad place with a lot of shady men. Destined to be single, I find life lonely. As a Muslim, and a Pakistani Muslim, I was raised in a bubble (like many Pakistani Muslims in North America are), mixing with non-Muslims was discouraged so I never developed a circle of friends to keep in touch with over the years. As I became an adult, and entered the workforce, that pattern continued because of both unease and because my parents remained heavily involved in my life so I could not socialize with non-Muslim colleagues, former university friends etc. I had Muslim friends, but most got married, had children and either moved away or associate only with fellow married people. I have a difficult time financially and my parents are old. My brothers have always had it easy and they spend their time with their families, going on holidays, taking their children to their various sporting events, going to parties, etc. So the brunt of my parents' care and assistance falls on me. My father remains easily angered and yells and swears at me, but he doesn't do that to my brothers or his grandchildren. I find this all very hard to deal with. The loneliness is a dark cloud on my head, and it is eating me like cancer. I feel that my religion and culture have orphaned me. I feel that Islam has closed many doors to joy, so there is nothing left. I am sorry to say this, but I do not feel joy in taking care of my elderly parents. They are difficult people and always have been, and I have made many, many life sacrifices for them to keep them happy, including not getting married and not having babies. I don’t feel joy at the prospect of spending my 40s and 50s taking care of them, while also trying to secure a financially stable future for myself while watching my brothers prepare for retirement and their children's weddings. I have made lots of dua for my life to change, so please don't suggest I make dua. I did meet someone once, 2 years ago, and I wished to marry him but he was not Muslim. No other man has been interested in me, before or after. I don't really socialize with men anyway. I wish Islam had at least allowed me to socialize with non-Muslims; I would have a social circle at least, people who could spend time with me as I approach middle age. I spend so much time alone, in the evenings and weekends, and find myself wondering why Islam has created these obstacles for me. I deserve a life where I am loved and cared for, where I am financially supported, and where there can be some laughter and social activities. Instead, it is harsh, lonely, and difficult. When I see my parents, all they talk about are their grandchildren. My brother had girlfriends and married one. I stayed a good girl.. but did I get marriage and babies? No.