As-salamu alaykum dear sister,

Shokran for updating us on your situation with your mother-in-law. It sounds as if she is continuing to overstep boundaries and has not calmed down with her insensitive remarks. The comment about the medication being methadone is certainly a strange way to try to be humorous. I think at that point sister I would have also been shocked and ask her why would she say that. Often times people have strange senses of humor, depending on the lives they have lived, experiences they went through and how they were raised as well. For example, if one grew up with a neighbor or family member who took methadone it sadly might become a joke once the person is clean. While it is not funny at all and is in fact very harmful and hurtful, people often say these things as a reaction formation to cover up the painful memories or thoughts they may have.

 
Yes it is often difficult to know when to say something especially when things said aren’t outright haram, such as the methadone comment; and especially when they are in-laws! I would at that point sister question her motives for saying that. I mean, why would she pick methadone? Why not joke and say a gummy bear or vitamin or something else? But no, she chose methadone and for her own personal reasons. I would wonder if she had a methadone problem somewhere in her past or someone she may have loved had an issue with drugs. I don’t know. But I do know people say and chose certain words either consciously or subconsciously because it pertains to them, and yes it is often subliminal as in a joking manner.

 
I would kindly suggest you speak to your husband about this particular statement and ask him if there was a history of addiction. The comment was clearly not normal. Ask your husband to speak with his mother, or perhaps you both can together and ask her if there is something bothering her. You can also point-blank ask her why did she chose the word methadone. While the comment in itself is not haram, it is indeed bizarre. I would also kindly suggest sister that you and your husband sit down with your mother-in-law and talk to her about Islam, our beliefs, values and principles if you have not yet. Perhaps with more information on our way of life, she will become more sensitive concerning her reactions and her speech. Also, at this point, I would also kindly suggest sister that you and your husband sit down and talk about what your boundaries are in your home, what should be permitted and what will not be permitted.

 
As far as astrology, there is no gray line, no tolerance nor silence as it is clearly haram. If your mother-in-law brings up the subject of astrology you need to tell her that it is forbidden in your home and that she is not to speak about it with your children. Explain to her why it is forbidden in Islam and express your gratitude to her for respecting your position on this. You should of course tell her in a kind way(or have your husband tell her) but make it very clear that as Muslims it is not something we involve ourselves in. I would not mention it though unless she brings it up, talks to your children about it or otherwise tries to impose it on you and your family.

 
Regarding the picture, it is done and over with sister, as reverts we probably have pictures hanging in our relatives homes somewhere without hijab. You now know, that she is proud of you and her grandchildren and appears to not fully comprehend that hanging your picture up is haram for you. Insha‘Allah as her knowledge of Islam grows through talking with you and your husband, perhaps she will one day take it down.

 
It sounds like you are a wonderful daughter-in-law my dear sister, you have much patience, kindness and love, may Allah reward you immensely. It also sounds as if your in-laws love you very much and as you stated they are supportive at times of your Islamic way of life (some parents are not!). I would kindly suggest sister to continue to teach her about Islam, especially if she says something you know is haram (such as astrology or drinking alcohol) it could be your opportunity to teach her why we believe as we do. As far as the bizarre comments like the methadone, I would be more concerned with her-that something in her past is causing her anxiety or issues as that is not a normal statement. I would ask her “Mom, that was a strange thing to say, why did you chose methadone”? Perhaps she may confide in you a difficult period in her life, I do not know, Allah knows best.

 
Stay strong sister! It sounds like it will get better insha‘Allah; it sounds like she is just learning still about her son’s and your new way of life. It also sounds as if she is also trying too. I am also confident that she is supportive in some ways of your Islamic lifestyle due to your patience, kindness and loving approach. May Allah bless you sister with His choicest blessings. We never know what Allah has planned and He is the best of planners. Who knows, perhaps one day she will accept Islam through your loving kindness and beautiful example of a pious Muslima.

Please write us again if you have any further concerns sister, you are in our prayers.

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