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Being a New Muslim (Q&A Session)

Theresa Corbin
09 January, 2017

Asalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters, 

More and more people are entering Islam and facing a mountain of unanswered questions. For this reason, we are pleased to offer a live session for new Muslims.

This session will be dedicated to answering all the questions new Muslims have about identity, culture, and learning and living Islam.

You don’t even have to be “new” to participate. Those who are newly practicing are welcome to join the session.

The session host will be writer and once new Muslim, Theresa Corbin. So please jot down your questions and join us Thursday, January 12th, from 8 PM-10 PM GMT  (11 PM – 1 AM Makkah) ( 3 PM – 5 PM New York)

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If you won’t be available during this time, but you have questions that need answers, don’t worry! You can email your questions in advance to [email protected], and our counselor will include them in the Live Session. 

Thursday, Jan. 12, 2017 | 23:00 - 01:00 GMT

Session is over.
DISCLAIMER
Views expressed by hosts/guests on this program (live dialogue, Facebook sessions, etc.) are their own and their appearance on the program does not imply an endorsement of them or any entity they represent.  

As a new Muslim, I am kind of saddened by the different sects in Islam. I mean, I have found the truth in Islam, but then how do you know which sect is the correct one?



Walaikum Asalam Tammy,

Objectively speaking, we cannot be 100% sure. But as Muslims, we make seeking guidance a priority in our lives. We do it multiple times a day when we say al-Fatiha (The opening chapter of the Quran) during prayer:

{You alone do we worship, and You alone do we ask for help. Guide us on the straight path, the path of those who have received your grace; not the path of those who have brought down wrath, nor of those who wander astray.} (Quran 1:5-7)

The Prophet told us: “[…] Verily the Israelites were divided into 72 sections, but my people will be divided into 73 sections, all of them will be in the fire except one.” The companions asked, ‘Who are they O Messenger of Allah,’ Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “They are those who will be like me and my companions.” (Narrated in Tirmidhi)

So, with this advice from the messenger in the pursuit of the correct path, we can strive to understand Islam as the Prophet (PBUH) taught it and as his companions understood it. And we can ask Allah (SWT) for guidance and keep our hearts open to it.

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But we must keep in mind that we don’t try to make what we want to be guidance, guidance. That’s called confirmation bias. We accept Allah’s guidance even if it is not what we think we want. Allah tells us if we are truly sincere in our journey to Him, He will certainly guide us.

{And whoever believes in Allah – He will guide his heart.} (Quran 64:11) so we can trust in Allah’s promise.

So, follow the best of example that Allah sent to humankind-the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH); ask Allah (SWT) to guide you; keep your heart open; and trust in Him and you will be fine, inshaAllah.
May Allah guide us all to His truth. I hope this helps.

Walaikum Asalam.

Salams, I go to prayer every Friday and even though the imam gives the lecture in English, he still uses so many Arabic words and phrases that I feel lost. How do I know what all these Arabic words mean?



Walaikum Asalam Steven,

I completely understand your frustration. I and many people who have at one point been new to Islam or have wanted to learn Arabic, have been exactly where you are. Even to this day, 15 years after converting, every now and then someone will use an Arabic word that I have forgotten the meaning of or have never heard before, but they use it as if it is a common word that everyone knows. It’s not fun feeling left out.

But the good news is that if you don’t know what someone is talking about, you can just ask. This won’t work for Jumuah (Friday prayer) since we should remain quiet during this time. But you can start by learning a few words that are very commonly used, like Alhamdulillah (all thanks and praise are due to God) SubhanAllah (Glory be to God) InshaAllah (God willing), MashaAllah (God has willed it) and Allahu Akbar (God is the greatest).

You already know imam (leader of the prayer), Salam (peace) or the elongated version- Asalamu Alaikum (Peace be with you) and its reciprocation Walaikum Asalam (and peace be with you)– so you are on your your way. You can check out the glossary I have compiled for my blog at this link: https://islamwich.com/glossary/ and study the phrases and expressions.

But don’t feel like people are conspiring to use Arabic instead of English words just to make you feel out of the loop. A lot of times the Arabic terms are more concise and represent deeper concepts than the English near translation could ever capture. You will, in time, come to find this is true and have a hard time extricating these words from your own daily use. For example, the Arabic word “tawheed” saves time and effort when talking about pure monotheism and the concept of not associating partners with the Creator of all things. One word in English just can’t capture it’s depth of meaning.  

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The fastest way to learn many of these commonly used Arabic words is to start reading Islamic literature (you can start by reading some articles of your choosing here on About Islam) or watching Islamic lectures and looking up the unfamiliar Arabic words as you go. Soon, you will be the one explaining what all these Arabic words mean.

Also check out these links for useful info:

https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/living-islam/is-praying-in-arabic-difficult-for-you/

https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/living-islam/can-non-arab-muslims-engage-quran/
I hope this helps. All the best.

Walaikum Asalam.

I'm currently a convert and I'd like to fulfill half of my deen. How does a Muslim go about finding a good, respectful husband?



Asalamu Alaikum,

Congrats on your conversion and a warm welcome to Islam!

InshaAllah, Allah will grant you a righteous husband who will be a partner in your journey to achieve nearness to Him in this life and the next. The best way to go about finding a righteous, respectful husband is to talk to the Muslims around you. Go to the imam of your local masjid (mosque), let him know you wish to be married, ask for his help, and tell him what you are looking for in a spouse. The imam will most likely know of brothers who are seeking marriage and he will know a bit about them, at least he will know whether they attend pray regularly. 

Talk to other sisters and ask them to get their mothers and aunties involved in finding someone who is right for you. Most Muslim communities have an established network of sisters and brothers who are always looking to help good brothers and sisters get married. If you do not have a community near you, you might want, if you are able, to drive to the closest one on Fridays and meet sisters and talk to them about your desire to get married. They can help you out and probably will be quite eager to do so since they will be rewarded for helping a fellow Muslim in such a way. 

Even though Muslims matrimonial sites work for some, If I were you I would be very cautious in pursuing this path in finding a spouse unless you meet the person, and meet his family, and ask around about him from the people in his community. Catfishing is not just a non-Muslim phenomena, and it is all too easy to deceive someone from behind a screen.

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Also keep this asking around about his character in mind for anyone you consider as a potential spouse online or off. It sounds strange to a Westerner to check a potential romantic interest (as a husband will be inshaAllah) out by asking around about him, but this is a common practice in Muslim communities. Character and manners are so important in a relationship and essential to being a good Muslim. And those who have lived, studied, and worked with and around your potential spouse will be able to speak to his character and manners. Do as much research as you can about your rights in marriage and who you are getting married to and inshaAllah, Allah will grant you the best partner for you. Also don’t be dishearten by failed attempts either. It could be that Allah is saving you from something bad and has someone better planned for you. 

Check out these articles for more info:

http://www.aquila-style.com/converts-corner/new-muslimahs-marriage/79579/

https://aboutislam.net/multimedia/videos/context-womens-rights-quran/

https://aboutislam.net/reading-islam/living-islam/advice-new-muslimahs-considering-marriage/

https://aboutislam.net/family-society/laying-foundations/cultural-baggage-multicultural-marriage/

I hope this helps. All the best. Please keep in touch if you have further questions. Walaikum Asalam.

Salams, I am a British reverted Muslim. I recently married a Muslim man of Arab origin. And from time to time, I get the sense that he wants me to act like an Arab, to cook only Arab food, to pretend to be timid, to have some mannerism that are not my nature. Does Islam require this of me? I feel like my husband wants me to lose my identity, to be someone I am not. Is he right to expect this of me as a Muslim?



Asalamu Alaikum, Thank you for this very important question. Allah (SWT) has guided you–personality, quirks, culture and all–for a reason. He has guided you, a unique person, to Him, and He does not ask you to lose your identity. What He does ask is that you- and all Muslims no matter what culture we come from- refine your manners. That’s it. And for anyone to expect you to change who you are if Allah does not ask you to do so, certainly seems unfair.

But, this might not be what your husband is doing. He might wish for you to do and act a certain way out of possible homesickness if he is living in your country, or out of wanting you to succeed socially if you are living in his country. You need to be open with him about how you feel, how he makes you feel, and see what he has to say.

However, sometimes, Muslims who come from places where Islam is the predominant religion confuse their culture for Islam. And this might be what is happening between you and your husband. Again, talk to him and be open about your concerns.

I have seen it happen to other convert/revert sisters. A husband from a Muslim majority country expects his newly (or not so newly) converted wife to change her personality, to be more like his idea of what a Muslim women should be. But really, he wants her to be like what he thinks a woman “back home” should be like.  The fact that you are coming from a non-Muslim majority country might be compounding this issue in his mind.

The thing is that there is so much diversity among Muslims. There was even diversity among the companions of the Prophet (PBUH), as far as personality types and even cultures go, that it is not exactly conceivable that a certain personality or culture is more endorsed by Islam than another. It takes diversity to make a healthy, functioning society.  

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That being said, it is vital for you to learn from the sources of the Quran and sunnah what exactly is expected of you as a Muslim. If it doesn’t come from these sources, then you can feel free to discount it, or better yet, discuss it with your husband. So, what I recommend, moving forward, is that you kindly and gently ask your husband for his reasoning behind wanting you to act a certain way, cook only a certain food, etc. If he cannot bring a valid proof from Islamic sources and put them in context, then you need to discuss these issues with him. 

Marriage is work and intercultural marriage is extra work. That doesn’t mean it is impossible. You just need to know what Islam says, what his culture dictates, and what you are willing and not willing to do or change according to culture. However, do not try to change your core identity or personality. This will only lead to resentment, and resentment is poison to a relationship. Figuring all this out will take time, so have patience and wisdom.

Also, check out this article on the cultural baggage many new Muslim encounter: https://aboutislam.net/family-society/laying-foundations/cultural-baggage-multicultural-marriage/

I hope this helps. May Allah bless your marriage and increase you in beneficial knowledge. Please keep in touch.

Walaikum Asalam.